Thursday, December 31, 2009

Reasons to worry about the year 2010

Festival Date Day

REPUBLIC DAY 26-Jan-2010 Sunday

HOLI 16-Mar-2010 Sunday

MAY DAY 01-May-2010 Saturday

INDEPENDENCE DAY 15-Aug-2010 Sunday

GANDHI JAYANTI 02-Oct-2010 Saturday

DASSERA 17-Oct-2010 Sunday

DIWALI 05-Nov-2010 Sunday

CHRISTMAS 25-Dec-2010 Saturday

Not such a sweet news for Government employees, students, etc..,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Living in 2009

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Genius Salesman from India

The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."

Well, the boss liked the Indian chap so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."

The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
“If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"

Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"

Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"

Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a large fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod and some fishing gear.

Then I asked him where he's going fishing and he said down on the
coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sold him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.

I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.

Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.

The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"

Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."

Monday, December 28, 2009

A Small Story…

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story: If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The president

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God , INDIA , they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs. 30.

The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs. 30, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:

"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs. 20 as tax ... "


Saturday, December 26, 2009

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
It’s your stupidity.

.......

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.


If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.......
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

.......

Friday, December 25, 2009

A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people
shout at each other when they are upset?'

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, Because we lose our
calm, we shout for that.'

'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the
saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why
do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able
to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to
shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are
very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other
in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at
each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they
love each other.'

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say
words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the
distance is so great

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Boss

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:p

Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'm having a baby

A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office.

He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"

She replied, "I'm having a baby."

With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"

She answered, "He sure is."

Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"

She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."

With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Then why did you eat him?"

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Laws Which Newton Forgot to State

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***

Monday, December 21, 2009

90-year-old man

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."

"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."

"Exactly"... Said the Doc.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor Certified

I certify that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.


Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.


The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.


It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.

which can directly lead to heart strokes.


In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/- Dr. Impatient

Saturday, December 19, 2009

A surprise gift that accelerates from 0 to 100 within 4 seconds

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband.



Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...



'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'



Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.



And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought. !








A WEIGHING MACHINE





The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder!

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Fairy tale

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

Moral: Men should remember that Fairies are female.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

CRAZY not equal to STUPID

One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).

He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.

One patient from the Mental Health Institute (IMH) happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.

The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem. no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"

The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at this Mental Institute?"

Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Where is GOD?

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably Involved.


The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.

So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,

"Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.


........................

...............................

..............................

...........................

..................

................

GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

One liners

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus !!!

"LETS BE FRIENDS", GUYZ use to begin the relationship but GALS Use to End :) "

"A Boy friend or Husband is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. "

" People say" Behind every successful man there is successful woman" but "Behind every Successful WOMAN there is a exhausted MAN"

"Behind every successful Man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful Man is usually another woman."

"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are."

"Potential of Man, he can have as many gal friends as his wife thinks, but reality his wife won't let him"

"There is nothing called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, rather they should re-phrase it as INFATUATION AT FIRST SIGHT"

"God Created Man, Man invented money. God created women and discovered to spend Man's money "

"Love is like Cricket during 80's it was like Test Match, in 90's it was like ODI but now it is like T20"

"Gal Friends are like mistakes you always do when you try some thing new but wife is like habit after several mistakes"

"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."

"An IDEA can change ur Life ... But, a Woman Can change your IDEA!"

"Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that. "

"A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject"

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."

"Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious."

"Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him. "

"In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested."

"Statistics are like bikinis.. what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential! '-) "

"Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men? "

"Marriage is a battle between unstoppable force against an immovable object"

"A WIFE IS JUST AN OBSTACLE BETWEEN HUSBAND & GAL FRIEND ;-) "

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

Monday, December 14, 2009

3 Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.The next day he went to the pet shop and sawthree identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500."Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk."He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Seed

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED.I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however... He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow..
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.
Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front.Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.
"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

Friday, November 27, 2009

Laptop and Netbook computer accessories

Coming to usability, a laptop or a netbook computer makes our work easier in terms such as mobility and ease of use. Nowadays these little computers are coming in ultra thin designs and are of very less in weight.
Gone were the days when they cost a huge amount, now the cost of these computers have drastically come down. People who have much of their work to be done on the move, those who go often on business trips, those who browse the internet often on the move do go in to buy these netbook and laptop computers.
Different kind of netbooks or laptop computers are manufactured by umpteem number of companies be it Toshiba, Dell, Compaq or HP. These are available in the range of few hundred to few thousands depending on their performance.
Okaies, you have bought your netbook or a laptop computer. The next thing is the hunt that starts in searching suitable laptop accessories for them. But coming to finding a suitable accessory for these machines is somewhat a big task if one person is having different models of these computers.
Gearzap.com is a one stop portal to find all kind of laptop accessories . Accessories for different type of laptop computers can easily be found out in this portal. For example if you want to buy a laptop bag - , just click for it and browse through the good number of laptop bag available at the portal. Also details about laptop case is also available.

The advantage at this portal is that the different kind of laptop accessories are displayed along with pictures with cost information. You can click it and book your necessary accessory. Buying is made easy with much of the prominent credit cards can be used at this portal to make payment.
For buying a laptop case have a look at the portal for a number of laptop case and you can buy it at the click of your mouse and make the accessory find its way to your home.

மனதை அதிரவைத்த காதல் கதை !!

ஒரு அழகான கிராமம்.அந்தக் கிராமத்தின் தலைவருக்கு ஒரு பெண் இருந்தாள்..அவளைப் போல் ஒரு அழகிய பெண்னை யாரும் பார்த்ததும் இல்லை
கேட்டதும் இல்லை.அந்தப் பெண் பக்கத்து கிராமத்தைச் சேர்ந்த ஒரு சாதாரண வாலிபனைக் காதலிக்க ஆரம்பித்து விட்டாள். இது தெரிந்ததும் மொத்த கிராமமும் அந்தக் காதலை எதிர்க்க ஆரம்பித்தது.இதனால் வேறு வழி தெரியாத காதல் ஜோடி ஊரை விட்டு ஒட தீர்மானித்து ஒரு நாள் யாருக்கும் தெரியாமல் காணாமலும் போய்விட்டனர். உடனே ஊரே சேர்ந்து காதல் ஜோடியைத் தேடியது. இருந்தும் அவர்களால் கண்டு பிடிக்கவே முடியவில்லை. அதன் பிறகு அவர்கள் அந்த்க் காதலை ஏற்றுக் கொள்ள முடிவு செய்து செய்தித்தாளில் விளம்பரமும் கொடுத்தனர்.அதைப் பார்த்த காதல் ஜோடி உடனே ஊர் திரும்பியது. சந்தோஷப் பட்ட ஊர் மக்கள் அந்தக் காதல் ஜோடிக்கு பிரமாண்டமான முறையில் திருமணம் செய்ய முடிவு செய்தனர். திருமணத்திற்குத் தேவையான பொருட்களை வாங்க நகரத்திற்குச் சென்றிருந்தனர்.அப்போது எதிர்பாராதவிதமாக ஒரு லாரி மோதி அந்த வாலிபன் அந்தப் பெண் எதிரிலேயே உயிர் துறந்தான். உடனே அந்தப் பெண்னும் மனநிலை பாதிக்கப்பட்டாள். ரொம்ப நாட்களுக்குப் பிறகு நினைவு திரும்பிய அந்தப் பெண் குடும்பத்தினருடன் வசித்து வந்தாள். திடீரென்று ஒரு நாள் அப்பெண்னின் தாய் ஒரு கனவு கண்டாள். அதில் ஒரு தேவதை தோன்றி அவள் மகள் அவளுடைய

காதலன் நினைவாக வைத்திருக்கும் உடையில் இருக்கும் இரத்த்க் கறையை உடனே துவைக்க வேண்டும் என்றது,இல்லா விட்டால் மோசமான விளைவுகள் ஏற்படும் என்றும் எச்சரிக்கை செய்தது. அவள் தாய் கனவை மதிக்கவில்லை. அடுத்த நாள் அதே தேவதை அந்தப் பெண்னின் தந்தையிடமும் கனவில் எச்சரித்தது.ஆனால் அவரும் அதைக் கண்டு கொள்ளவில்லை அடுத்த நாள் அப்பெண்னின் கனவிலேயே தோன்றி எச்சரித்தது.அவள் உடனே தாயிடம் கனவைப் பற்றிக் கூறினாள். அதன் பிறகே அதன் முக்கியத்துவம் உணரப்பட்டது.அவள் தாய் அதை துவைக்கக் கூறினாள். உடனே அந்தப் பெண்னும் அதைத் துவைத்தாள். இருந்தும் தேவதை மறுபடியும் அடுத்த நாள் கனவில் வந்து கறை சரியாகப் போகவில்லை என்று எச்சரித்தது. மறுபடியும் அப்பெண் அத்துணியைத் துவைத்தாள்.இருந்தும் கறை போகவில்லை. அடுத்த நாள் காலையில் அழைப்புமணி ஒலிக்கவே அந்தப் பெண் கதவைத் திறந்தாள்.அப்போது கனவில் வரும் அதே பெண் நின்று கொண்டிருந்தாள். அவள் முகம் கனவில் வருவதைப் போல் கனிவாக இல்லாமல் வெளிறிப் போய் இருந்தது.உடனே இவள் பயத்தினால் அலறினாள். அந்தத் தேவதை கோபத்துடன் கூறியது,"லூசாடி நீ!,ஸர்ப் எக்ஸல் போடு கறை போயிடும்" என்றது.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Honest Priest..

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland said to the priest beside her,

"Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? ...Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."


Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.".......Next!"

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Perils of Online errors

Wrong email id -- too good


A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address,
and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile...


Somewhere in Houston ,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
The widow decided to check her e-mail,
expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.


After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 21 Nov 2009



I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They gave computers here,
and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in..
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Michael's Night ( A Touching Story)

Michael's Night
~ Author Unknown

At the prodding of my friends, I am writing this story. My name is Mildred Hondorf. I am a former elementary school music teacher from Des Moines , Iowa . I've always supplemented my income by teaching piano lessons - something I've done for over 30 years. Over the years I found that children have many levels of musical ability. I've never had the pleasure of having a prodigy though I have taught some talented students. However I've also had my share of what I call 'musically challenged' pupils.

One such student was Michael. Michael was 11 years old when his mother (a single Mom) dropped him off for his first piano lesson. I prefer that students (especially boys) begin at an earlier age, which I explained to Michael. But Michael said that it had always been his mother's dream to hear him play the piano.

So I took him as a student. Well, Michael began with his piano lessons and from the beginning I thought it was a hopeless endeavor. As much as Michael tried, he lacked the sense of tone and basic rhythm needed to excel. But he dutifully reviewed his scales and some elementary pieces that I require all my students to learn.

Over the months he tried and tried while I listened and cringed and tried to encourage him. At the end of each weekly lesson he'd always say, "My mom's going to hear me play someday."

But it seemed hopeless. He just did not have any inborn ability. I only knew his mother from a distance as she dropped Michael off or waited in her aged car to pick him up. She always waved and smiled but never stopped in.

Then one day Michael stopped coming to our lessons. I thought about calling him but assumed because of his lack of ability, that he had decided to pursue something else. I also was glad that he stopped coming -- he was a bad advertisement for my teaching!

Several weeks later I mailed to the student's homes a flyer on the upcoming recital. To my surprise Michael (who received a flyer) asked me if he could be in the recital.

I told him that the recital was for current pupils and because he had dropped out he really did not qualify.

He said that his mother had been sick and unable to take him to piano lessons but he was still practicing. "Miss Hondorf, I've just got to play!" he insisted.

I don't know what led me to allow him to play in the recital. Maybe it was his persistence or maybe it was something inside of me saying that it would be all right.

The night for the recital came. The high school gymnasium was packed with parents, friends and relatives.

I put Michael up last in the program before I was to come up and thank all the students and play a finishing piece. I thought that any damage he would do would come at the end of the program and I could always salvage his poor performance through my 'curtain closer'.

Well, the recital went off without a hitch. The students had been practicing and it showed. Then Michael came up on stage. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair looked like he'd run an eggbeater through it. "Why didn't he dress up like the other students?" I thought. "Why didn't his mother at least make him comb his hair for this special night?"

Michael pulled out the piano bench and he began. I was surprised when he announced that he had chosen Mozart's Concerto #21 in C Major.

I was not prepared for what I heard next.

His fingers were light on the keys, they even danced nimbly on the ivories. He went from pianissimo to fortissimo. From allegro to virtuoso. His suspended chords that Mozart demands were magnificent! Never had I heard Mozart played so well by a person his age.

After six and a half minutes he ended in a grand crescendo and everyone was on their feet in wild applause.

Overcome and in tears I ran up on stage and put my arms around Michael in joy. "I've never heard you play like that Michael! How'd you do it?"

Through the microphone Michael explained: "Well Miss Hondorf, remember I told you my Mom was sick? Well, actually she had cancer and passed away this morning and well... She was born deaf so tonight was the first time she ever heard me play. I wanted to make it special."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house that evening.

As the people from Social Services led Michael from the stage to be placed into foster care, I noticed that even their eyes were red and puffy, and I thought to myself how much richer my life had been for taking Michael as my pupil.

No, I've never had a prodigy but that night I became a prodigy -- of Michael's! He was the teacher and I was the pupil for it is he that taught me the meaning of perseverance and love and believing in yourself and maybe even taking a chance in someone and you don't know why?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Some MINDBLOWING Dialogues

1) U can study and get any certificates. But u cannot get ur death certificate

2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u
sneeze u ll say HUTCH

3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in
engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if
u studies in Presidency College

4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u
cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop

5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a
software engineer cannot bcom a software

6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world
in world cup

7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Making a baby.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the door bell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. '

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I ha d to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Two seriously ill men

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man eagerly asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.

It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue:

There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.

Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't .

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I am your Guardian Angel

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came creekking around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your Guardian Angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?

Friday, October 09, 2009

Poor groom

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !

Thursday, October 08, 2009

The Empty Jar And 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem, Almost too much to handle, When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,

Remember the story of the empty jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked The students again If the jar was full..
They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided.

'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...
Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.'

So when shall we have a cup of coffee...?

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Recruitment for "Chairman of Microsoft Europe"

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room.

One candidate is our Ramasamy.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.

Another 2000 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

Then, 500 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.

Now, 498 people leave the room.

Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, our Ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says 'endha ooru?'

The other candidate answers… 'Madurai pakkam'


"vazhga tamil"

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Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Software Engineer & his wife..

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan ! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .

Monday, September 07, 2009

ONE PARAGRAPH THAT EXPLAINS LIFE!

Arthur Ashe, the legendary Wimbledon player was dying of AIDS which he got due to infected blood he received during a heart surgery in 1983.
From world over, he received letters from his fans, one of which conveyed: "Why does GOD have to select you for such a bad disease"?
To this Arthur Ashe replied:
"The world over -- 50 million children start playing tennis, 5 million learn to play tennis,
500,000 learn professional tennis, 50,000 come to the circuit, 5000 reach the grand slam,
50 reach Wimbledon, 4 to semi final, 2 to the finals,
when I was holding a cup I never asked GOD 'Why me?'.
And today in pain I should not be asking GOD 'Why me?' "

"Happiness keeps you Sweet,
Trials keep you Strong,
Sorrow keeps you Human,
Failure keeps you humble and Success keeps you glowing, but only Faith & Attitude Keeps you going...

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The Indian Mom

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her.".....

Monday, August 31, 2009

Twins for an IT couple

Someone in the IT industry gave birth to a set of twins.

Guess what they named them?


See Below for Answer….


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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Alibaba & 30 Thieves

At first, it was Alibaba & 40 Thieves
now
it is Alibaba & 30 Thieves


WHY?

Poocho Kyon ?.......









Recession Boss!!!Alibaba had removed 10 thieves from his group.Cost Cutting...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor Certified

I Certified that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.

Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.

The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/- Dr. Impatient

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Thattuvams

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Moral

Enjoy !

Once a Junior School teacher asked her students to bring some potatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each potato will be given a name of the person whom that child hates. Like this, the number of potatoes will be equal to the number of persons they hate. On a decided day the children brought their potatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had even five potatoes. The teacher said they have to carry these potatoes with them everywhere they go for a week.. As the days passed the children started to complain about the spoiled smell that started coming from these potatoes. Also some students who had many potatoes complained that it was very heavy to carry them all around. The children got rid of this assignment after a week, when it got over.


The teacher asked, "How did you feel in this one week?" The children discussed their problems about the smell and weight. Then the teacher said, "This situation is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you don't like some people. This hatred makes your heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred in your heart everywhere you go. If you can not bear the smell of spoiled potatoes for a week, imagine the impact of this hatred that you carry through out your life, on your heart?"

MORALE:

* OUR HEART IS A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN THAT NEEDS A REGULAR CLEANING OF UNWANTED WEEDS.

* FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEHAVED WITH YOU AS EXPECTED AND FORGET THE BAD THINGS. THIS ALSO MAKES ROOM AVAILABLE FOR STORING GOOD THINGS.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dark night. In a car

This happened about a month ago near Sheikalmudi.

A guy was driving from Kovai to Sheikalmudi and decided to drive slow as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere.

Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him - when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small village called Sholayar dam.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.

There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking
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and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points and says 'Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it '

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Born a Sikh, raised a Sikh, now a Catholic

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden
from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,
"You were born a Sikh,
and
raised a Sikh,
but now,
you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as
he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken,
and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken,
and
you waz Raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato!"

Friday, August 21, 2009

Getting up very early in the morning

One day a fisherman got up very early in the morning.

There was not enough sunlight to get into the sea.

He saw a pack of stones to pass time.

He started throwing the stone into the sea.

While having the last stone in the hand,
the sun came up then he saw that the stone was a diamond.

He felt for his misfortune of throwing all of them into the sea...


Moral of the story: Below
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Do not get up early in the morning...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tonglish

Nama adicha athu mottai, Athuva vilundha athu sottai!

Thannikulla kappal pona jolly... Kappalkulla thanni pona gali...

Odambula ethanai cell irundhalum athula 'simcard' poda mudiyathu..
Calenderla naama enna thethi kizhichomngarathu mukkiyam illa.
Kizhicha thethiyila naama ennatha kizhichomngarathu than mukkiyam.

Pallu valina palla pudungalaam aana kannu vali na kanna pudungamudiyuma...
:)

Running racela kaal evalavu vegama odinaalum, ! Price kaikuthaan
kedaikkum!!

ULAGAM THERIYAAMA VALRRAVAN VEGULY
CRICKET THERIYAAMA VILAYADURAVAN GANGULY

Sodava fridgela vacha cooling soda aagum,
Athukkaaga atha washing machinela vacha washing soda aagumaa!!

lunch bag le lunch eduthuttu pogalam...
aana school bagle school eduthuttu poga mudiyathu..

South India-la Narthangai kidaikkum.
Aaana, North India-la Southangai kidaikuma?!
Today's punch:
Thanneera Thanninnu sollalaam
Panneera panninnu solla mudiyuma??

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wishing well

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep..

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Wife dead

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Man, The Master of Women

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Perfect

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Different Phases of a man

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement: Superman

After Marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman

After 20 years: Doberman

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Marriage

Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

To tell each other affectionately. . " Sweetheart U R Dead! "

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Marriage

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.

It's called marriage

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Husband

A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest.

A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise.

A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Wives

It is difficult to understand GOD.

He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

Friday, August 07, 2009

Wedding anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours..

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Police Call Centre

Boxing aka Wedding

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Monday, August 03, 2009

Key to Success

After such a big research about the Key to success, the following 2 KEY THINGS were found to be only shortcut to success
and
a steep climb up the corporate ladder.....
Scroll down for more....
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Sunday, August 02, 2009

"Not my Job" award



This year the "Not My Job" award goes to The National Highways Department

Saturday, August 01, 2009

10 jobs in 14 years

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). This dude, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?

A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Mistress

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

Thursday, July 30, 2009

If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)

Monday, July 27, 2009

Sardar & interview

A Sardar on an interview for the post of Detective.

Interviewer : Who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank you Sir for giving me the job, I will start investigating...!

Sunday, July 26, 2009

confidence and confidential

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?

Friday, July 24, 2009

speed of light

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sardar's essay exam

A Sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and the essay reads as follows

AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Condom factory

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

Monday, July 20, 2009

Sardarji & Ph.D

Interviewer: What is your qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am P.H.D.

Interviewer : What do you mean by P.H.D ?

Sardarji : Passed High School with Difficulty....

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Can you cry under water? (let me try)

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

Friday, July 17, 2009

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Santa singh at an accident spot

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!


Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

(stupid, break the law)

Monday, July 13, 2009

If all the nations in the world are in debt (i am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird).

Sunday, July 12, 2009

One liners -- Hidden meanings in Company talk

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!

An Interesting Story

Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.

The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.

Don't just say it is " IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort.... Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully....

Looking closer you will see, "I'M POSSIBLE"...
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.

Moral of the Story "Try to Fix the Bug instead of making it as a Known issues"

Friday, July 10, 2009

MBBS & Sardar

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice.

He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch

&

Finally Said: "Oye, Torch is okay"

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Miss & Mister

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"

Sardarji replied: "I Mr. YOU" !!.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Sardar & Airhostess

Sardar in airplane going to Bombay .

While its landing he was excited and shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Difference between Orange and Apple

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Sardar to judge

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.

Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Sunday, July 05, 2009

Miss Call

Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

Saturday, July 04, 2009

That girl is deaf

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new

Friday, July 03, 2009

2 Swimming Pools

Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?

When asked him, he said,

"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

My mobile bill

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Wife

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'