Sunday, December 17, 2006

just some fun !!

> Should women have children after 35?
> No, 35 children are more than enough!
> ----------------
> Your future depends on your dreams
> So go to sleep !
> ------------------
> Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in
> front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
> -----------------
> A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
> began, you've been brought here for drinking..
> Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get
> started?
> -----------------
> Can you do anything that other people can't?
> Sure, I can read my handwriting..
> -----------------
> Divorce has become so common that my wife and I
> are staying married just to be different..
> -----------------
> When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
> She answers: My husband's cheque book..
> ----------------
> Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
> Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
> ----------------
> Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
> Customer: What other colors do you have?
> ----------------
> My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
> ----------------
> Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
> prayers before eating?
> Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
> --------------------
> Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
> Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
> --------------------
> Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> --------------------
> Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
> Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
> --------------------
> Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
> Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do
> you?
> ---------------------
> Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
> Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
> -------------------
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
> Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Some Funny Ones

Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."


The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'


Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious


When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.


In a trial all the witnesses were women. All women appeared in court, each started to shout on top of their voices, accusing each other of the trouble. Looking at the gravity of the situation, the judge called for "I'll hear the oldest first".

Subsequently, the case was closed coz "ALL WITNESSES TURNED HOSTILE AS NO ONE TESTIFIED"


A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."


Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

Try this magic in google

To See the Magic Plz do the following steps...

Open Internet Explorer(IE) .
1. Go to Google
2. Under Google Click on the option IMAGES
3. Type "Paintings" or any other word.
4. Click Search
5. You will get a page which is having full of Painting images.
6. When pictures of images are displayed then delete the item from the address bar and paste the below script and then hit enter.

java-script: R=0;x1=.1; y1=.05;x2=.25; y2=.24;x3= 1.6; y3=.24;x4=300; y4=200;x5= 300;y5=200; DI=document. images;DIL= DI.length; function A(){for(i=0; i


A man who was driving a car with his wife was stopped by a police officer.

The following exchange took place.

The man says, "What's the problem, officer?"
Officer: "You were going at least 75 speed in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65 km."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80 km/p."
(The man gave his wife adirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken taillight. "
Man: "Broken taillight? I didn't know about a broken taillight!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that taillight for weeks."
(The man gave his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

Theman turned to his wife and yelled, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The officer turned to the woman and asked, "Ma'am, does your husband talkto you this way all the time?"
The wife said, "No, only when he's drunk."

A company with less than 500 employees

Can you imagine working for a company that has a
little less than 500 employees and has the following

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?

It's the 435 members of the United States Congress.
The same group who crank out hundreds of
new laws each year designed to keep the
rest of the Americans in line

Interesting history

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids
already, three who were deaf, two who were blind,
one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would
you recommend that she have an abortion?

Answer:- If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Question 2:

It is time to elect a new world leader, and only
your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three
leading candidates.
Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never
cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your Choice?

Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C: is Adolph Hitler. (Let us remind you that he and his wife were only married for a day before they killed themselves.)

Is English a stupid language 1

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
French fries were not invented in France.

But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat ! ?

Park on driveways and Drive on parkways

And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they become invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch It starts
But when I wind up this poem It ends....................................

Friday, December 08, 2006

For puppy lovers: ......

Dear friends,

I need a favor!!
One of my friends has a puppy he's giving away (FREE!).
It's a Dachshund, it's house trained,
and it's great with kids.

He's giving it away because his wife
says the dog 'stares' at her always

If you're interested, or know someone who is, let me know.
Here's a picture of the dog



Thursday, December 07, 2006

Envy your wife ! Think twice ::

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed:-

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home, picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.

He drove to the electricity company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home which he had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set out cookies and milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and was able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
Fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for an early dinner.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaining. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:-

"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait 9 months though, because you had an unplanned / unshielded event and got pregnant last night!!!"

The Shortest Short Story