Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Art of Appraisal

Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: lack domain knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.

Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.

Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Cheer Up

You may review  current status w.r. to point number 5 to 8  

1 . If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2 . Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian . Think about it .

3 . Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the Admiration!

4 . Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude . Keep on rocking!

5 . Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6 . He was a good man .. He never smoked, drank had no affair . When he died,the insurance company refused the claim . They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7 . A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles . He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8 . So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

9 . Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest has girlfriends!

10 . All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or Married to someone else!

11 . 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving .
This makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere

In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager  visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained a few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered. The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?,
why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but  ... Did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Moral of Story:

Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere  !!! !!

Sunday, January 09, 2011

Five surgeons

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York , says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second, from Chicago , responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon, from Dallas , says, "No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order"
 The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."
  But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when he Observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable

Sell and buy car:

Buying a used car is an easy way to do by going to the local car dealer. The prospective buyer of the used car keeps a tab with the local garage and sometimes it would be a car service centre situated nearby to his place of living. He / she approaches the sales / service personnel at the dealer to know whether any of the customers are selling off their used cars.
Why go for a used car?
Why not buy a new car?
Used cars come cheap and somewhat a good value for money. But, still the buyer need to have an eye on the repairs and replacements that would be needed on the car in the near future. But a well maintained car does get to fetch the higher selling price.
But in this days of the internet should we go to the dealer and waste time and effort. Here comes an answer. is a one stop place to buy a used car or sell of your car. What not, users of this portal can get to know of the used cars available in London Its an Italian portal and the language used here is Italian.
Now, lets learn some of the Italian words
auto usate milano in Italy means "Used cars London", vendita auto usate means "Used cars for sale" and

 compro auto usate means  "buy used cars" This Italian portal is in business since 1978 with experience and professionalism, always attentive to the needs and customer satisfaction. Efficiency, competence and thoroughness are their trump cards to continue to offer service and assistance, safe, guaranteed and worthy of trust.  If you do not know Italian language the google translation tool comes in handy, just click here <<garagedelparco >> for the translated version of the site.
The portal gives details on reaching them. It is also very much easier to sell of used car if you have