The Honest Priest..

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland said to the priest beside her,

"Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair remover that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? ...Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father.".......Next!"

confidence and confidential

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

Father thy nighbour

A father put his three year old daughter to bed,
Told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying
"God bless Mummy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"
The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:
"God bless Mummy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say, "God bless Mummy and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.
He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock.
He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be ok.

He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said
"I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened
HERE.
He asked "What"??????
She said "This morning our neighbor James suddenly died."

How old is your father?

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born