Saturday, December 29, 2007

Test your smartness

First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?









Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person, you take his place, so you are second!


Try not to screw up next time.




Now answer the second question,


Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?









Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this, are you?













Third Question:
Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only .. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.



Take 1000
and
add 40 to it..
Now add another 1000 .
Now add 30 ..
Add another 1000 .
Now add 20 .
Now add another 1000

Now add 10 .



What is the total?





Did you get 5000 ?









The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!



Today is definitely not your day, is it?





Maybe you'll get the last question right....
...Maybe.




Fourth Question:


Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the ! name of the fifth daughter?








Did you Answer Nunu?

NO!

Of course it isn't.

Her name is Mary. Read the question again!



Okay, now the bonus round:





A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.




Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?




















He just has to open his mouth and ask...

It's really very simple.... Like you!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

OBL University

Commitment.Community.Jihad!

Osama bin Laden University seeks to instill the fundamentals of terrorism in its students. Whether you want the glorious martyrdom of killing hundreds of infidels in an embassy bombing,

or

the more personal satisfaction of hunting down a blasphemous author in a mullah-sanctioned fatwa, OBLU can get you where you want go!

If you can answer yes to even than half of the following, a career in terror may be just the one for you!

Yes!

  • I want to make a difference!
  • I can handle a challenge!
  • I can drive a truck!
  • I want to wipe that smirk off George Bush's face!
  • I enjoy waving guns around and firing them into the sky randomly at large rallies!
  • I look good in a vest filled with explosives!
  • I want a job that's to die for!

ABOUT US

CAMPUS

Located in the magnificently rugged mountains of Afghanistan, OBLU's campus ranks as one of the most beautiful educational settings in the world. Miles of running trails wend their way through the snowy passes. And keeping a sharp eye out for land mines keeps fitness buffs strong in both body and mind!

CURRICULUM

Long a source of pride for students, the OBLU honor code is strictly enforced

All our students start off with a solid basis in the core areas of modern terrorism. By the end of freshman year, you will know how to: lob stones effectively, burn flags without burning yourself, chant angry slogans for hours thanks to foot-friendly arch inserts, and much, much more!

By your junior year, you will have declared a major. You might learn to operate "class c" vehicles such as cars and light trucks. Or you could decide to master the art of docking with American Destroyers on an inflatable boat. If you're an advanced student, you might even get to study at the post-graduate level, trying to harvest the Ebola virus from bloody, dying monkeys with your bare hands!

FACULTY

Dean bin Laden

Dean of School Osama bin Laden is the most universally recognized figure in world terror today. He has successfully brought down the Soviet Empire due to his acclaim in Afghanistan, and now is continuing his work against the great Satan, America. With a $25 million dollar bounty on his head, Professor bin Laden must be doing something right!


TRAVEL OPPORTUNITIES & RECOGNITION

Recent graduate work in New York received worldwide attention

Recent graduates have gone to such exotic locales as Kashmir, Chechnya, Tel Aviv and even New York City! What better way to see the world than on a holy mission to destroy it?

HEAR WHAT THE ALUMNI SAY

"I used to just sit around and hate Americans. Now, I get the great personal satisfaction of doing something about it."
Junior, Majoring in Car Bombing

"I like the idea of going straight to paradise and all I have to do is get gunned down while killing Americans. Do the math. It's a no-brainer!"
Senior, Weapons Major

"I used to think making the streets run red with blood was just hyperbole. Now, I know that with a whole lot of elbow grease, and just a little bit of emtex in a truck, it can definitely be done!"
Junior, Chemistry Major

SOCIAL LIFE

Of course, OBLU is not just a "terror factory." From volleyball to tetherball, students enjoy a variety of social and enrichment events outside of their daily Jihad duties. Many of the friendships made at school are strong enough to last for all eternity in the hall of martyrs!

OBLU students also enjoy these perks:

  • Graduates receive no-money down loan for all truck or boat purchases
  • 50% discount on all weapons purchases made at the student store
  • Free parking

Apply today for Osama bin Laden University.

Still unsure? Take our OBLU-sanctioned extension course, "the How-To's of International Terrorism," offered at a Learning Annex near you.

Contact our SAARC region representative for more details and admission information:

Gen. Pervez Musharraf

Bunker No. 786,

Khandahar - Afghanistan

Tel: 1600 – 475654

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Secret of Success in the corporate world......

After such a big research about the Key to success, the following was found to be the only shortcut to success and a steep climb up the corporate ladder...

Scroll down to know the secret























Monday, December 10, 2007

LPG business by Vijay Mallya

Kingfisher Airlines had shown Vijay Mallya a successful business path. Having tasted the air, now our big bro has started LPG business.
Ever imagined as to how will the Gas Cylinders been delivered to your home?

Guys are bound to take leave from office once they come to know its time for a LPG refill to arrive.

Just see the photo taken while Vijay Mallya's employee delivers the LPG refill cylinder.

 

image001

Friday, November 30, 2007

Strongest man

This is one of the coolest mails on IT..!

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and 5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?

Are you a weight-lifter, or what?"


"No," replied the man.


"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "

Friday, November 23, 2007

CUSTOMER CARE IN 2020

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator: "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator: "OK... you're... Mr. Singh and you're calling from
17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094 2366
your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is
98801 62566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator: "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator: "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat H okkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes"
from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir.
The total is 409.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank Rs.3,30,720.00 since
October last year. That's not including the late payment charges
on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw
Some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator: "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily
limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas; I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: “What!"

Operator: "According to the details in system, you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also
diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%<mailto:**00**0>^

Operator: "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987
You were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Monday, November 19, 2007

Legal or Logical ?

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"
Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"
Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me grade "A" for the exam. "
Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"
Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Friday, November 16, 2007

Bus stop

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

Monday, November 12, 2007

Salary increment

All companies are giving 2% salary increment to all employees every
month as per latest bill passed. The Finance minister has approved and it comes to immediate effect from 15th November 2007. The bill also mentions that all  employees be provided 15 days of casual leave every year. See the photo for details

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

salary

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Weather forecast & sardar

Once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Newton's law of romance

Universal law:
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "


First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the girl) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "

Second law:
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. "

Third law:
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping. "

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Ladybird

What should one call a male ladybird?

Sunday, November 04, 2007

An announcement from the author

Earlier subscription facility have been available to the patrons of this site through feedblitz. Since after the switch over to the new template, there happened some problems in the html code and new subscription could not be effected.
Now everything is set right after switching over to feedburner. You will find an option in left column of this site, just enter your email id and press "Subscribe". Once verification process is done, you can find email updates rushed to your inbox.
However people who had subscribed thru feedblitz will continue to receive email as usual.
You are welcome to give feedback to my email id



Thank you patrons.
Srinivasan

Saturday, November 03, 2007

The fools day

Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket. He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have a pass.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Microsoft crazy facts

Microsoft crazy facts

This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable...


At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!

Try it out yourself...

Open Microsoft Word and type

=rand (200, 99)

and then press ENTER

Thursday, October 25, 2007

No dirty mind please

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of
her students.
The teacher asked, 'Boy, what is your problem?'



Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!'


Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy
waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what
the situation was.



The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed
to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and
behave. She agreed. Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained
to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Boy: '9'.

Principal! : 'What is 6 x 6?'

Boy: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, 'I think Boy.
can go to the third-grade. '

Ms Neelam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions. Can I
ask him?'

The principal and Boy, both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Boy:, after a moment 'Legs.'

Ms Nee lam:

'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy: 'Pockets.'

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer,
Boy. was taking charge.

Boy: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a
dog does on three legs?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer...

Boy: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some 'Who am I' sort of questions, okay?

Boy: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle wi th me when you're bored. The
best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala
Vodka peg.

Boy: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow
me, you feel good.

Boy: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of
heat and excitement?

Boy: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it
u have to use ur hand.

Boy: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?

Boy: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of
veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?

Boy: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to IIM Ahmedabad, I got the last ten questions wrong
myself!'

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Mobile phone with detachable camera

The talk of the tech world is the new generation mobile phone which has just hit the market.

On the technology front this instrument is user friendly. On the user side the camera can be detached from the mobile phone.

With the usual camera mobiles when you are going to high security offices you will be forced to leave your precious communication equipment at the security and your near and dear ones calling you will become frustrated.

This new mobile solves this problem. Just detach the camera from the instrument and retain your communication equipment while visiting high security / photography prohibited places.

Willing to see the new generation mobile.

Just scroll down.



!



!!





!!!










Ha Ha Ha

Friday, October 19, 2007

Importance of period


Teacher: Do you know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.


Thursday, October 18, 2007

Secret of success


Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.


Monday, October 15, 2007

How to become rich?


Kuttappan’s son: Daddy, We will become rich from tomorrow onwards.

Kuttappan: How ?

Son: Tomorrow my Maths teacher will teach us how to convert Paisa into Rupee.


Sunday, October 14, 2007

Car driver


Boss : Am giving you job as a driver. Starting salary 2000 Bucks, is it OK

Driver : Sir, you are really great! Starting salary is o.k....... But ? How much is Driving salary...?


Keyboard alphabets

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.

Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.

Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.


Learn

The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know


So.. why learn.


Friday, October 12, 2007

Last wish

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.


Thursday, October 11, 2007

Oh u r single?

Sardar at bar in New York .

Man on his right says "Johny Walker - single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch - single"


Sardar says - "Baljith Singh - Married"

Poetic Sardar


Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince : "Pass the wine; you divine".

Sardar thinks "how poetic"


Sardar : "pass the custard; you bastard".


Monday, October 08, 2007

Report card

Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He just wanted to scare his parents."

Unbreakable mirror

Kuttappan is looking reluctant whether to buy the hand mirror in a shop.

Shop keeper: This is a wonderful mirror saab!

Kuttappan: How!

Shop keeper: If you drop this mirror from 100 ft height it won’t break until it reaches 99 feet.

Kuttappan: Hey, Give this to me immediately.


Sunday, October 07, 2007

Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Practice

Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect......

so why practice?

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Destroy subramine

How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?

Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it....

Sardar

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.

Banta: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Go and water the plants

Sardar to his servant : Go and water the plants.

Servant : it’s already raining.

Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.


Salary expected ?

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Modern PANCHATANTRA !!!

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those
programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess.

The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his. The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!".

So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

Moral of the Story: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, update first , it's better keep your mouth shut and let people think you don't know than to open your mouth and say something.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mistake

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE

...


If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a NEW PATH

...

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a NEW VENTURE

...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION

...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW

...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION

...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION

...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW THEORY

...

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a NEW IDEA

...

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"

Thursday, September 20, 2007

weather forecast

Different perspective

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the
express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Three Feelings

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

WIFE

Husband asks , "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? "

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Finding lost wife

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Communication Gap

Mr. Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (American Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"

"Yes...... speaking"

AEC guy: "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"

" Yes .. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD ! this is too much.."

"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... he will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a CANDLE."

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Lorry accident

2 Sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case ya.

Sardar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

Monday, September 10, 2007

Sunday, September 09, 2007

tHe BeSt LeTtErS

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people

An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

Another employee applying for a half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10’O Clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

Student to Headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another student:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

By a student:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."


Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

From XX Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

leave application:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

Another gem:
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing
his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

after rain there sure will be a sunshine

Whatever your cross,

whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine,

After the rain....

Friday, September 07, 2007

What happens if (INR) Re.1 = US$ 45

Scene 1

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US . Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
s/w engg 1 : What's that?
s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Himayatnagar, Hyderabad
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)
s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]

------------

SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California , US
s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India
s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.
s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?
s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in Amberpet
s/w engg 2 : Oh! Amberpet. Great yaar. where it is...
s/w engg 1 : It is in Hyd.
s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Bhongir...He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?
s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad ?
s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?
s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

------------

SCENE 3

Venue: IBM, New York , US
(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in J.N.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to settle in Hyd itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...

------------

SCENE 4

Venue: Intel Corp. US s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar...
All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there?
s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.
s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!

------------

SCENE 5

A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets a call from his Home ..

Father : What are you doing son ?
S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread


***
ie (Idli and Chutney :-) )

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Dhoni's technique


Only ONE Batsman in the world who can have this kind of technique

Look at where his bat,

his feet

and

mainly the cricket ball is !!!!!


" Technically perfect " CAMERA SHOT !!!

But, what about his technique ?????

May be inspired by Rajini’s Chandramuki opening scene

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Post office

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.


Post Master : Why not?


Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai. He Hee Hee

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sardar buys clock

Sardarji is in Delhi . He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower. When someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured out that he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Innovative idea - Beer cooler

Saturday, September 01, 2007

How old is your father?

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born

Dinner choices...

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Technically Correct

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."


The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"They gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer, so its Microsoft Building"

Thursday, August 30, 2007

LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.

It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

Wrong way

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Kuttappan, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sardar Kill a Lion

How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

Marriage Certificate

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??

Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Have a break

Dear readers / patrons,

Having read jokes in this blog, why not we have a break today.
Yea, a nice wallpaper with a good message in it.
Enjoy.


Regds,

Srini

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Bruce Lee

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite holiday spot?
Manalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite food?
Idlee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite animal?
Elee.

Who is Bruce Lee’s favorite girl?
Maalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite reptile?
Balee.

What is Bruce Lee’s chain?
Thalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite god?
Kalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite sweet?
Jangree.

Friday, August 24, 2007

God Grants One Wish...

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?
Now God thought about it for a long time.
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Life's missed opportunities, at the end, may seem more poignant to us than those we embraced--because in our imagination they have a perfection that reality can never rival.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

How does an electric motor run?

In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....


Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.


Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Worldwide survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.


The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions

to the shortage of food in rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?

* In Africa they didn't know what 'FOOD' meant.

* In India they didn't know what 'HONEST' meant.

* In Europe they didn't know what 'SHORTAGE' meant.

* In China they didn't know what 'OPINION' meant.

* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'SOLUTION' meant.

* In South America they didn't know what 'PLEASE' meant.

* And in the USA they didn't know what 'THE REST OF THE WORLD' meant.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

New lady teacher

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, "Let's start with the boys first."


The boys started giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher: "Guys are you sincere. Ok next."

This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."

Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."

Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."

Most beautiful girl of the class:

"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Naughty boys


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Independence Day

Dear readers of this blog, my nation's 60th Independence Day has come (15 Aug 2007). As a proud Indian I salute to my nation's Tri colour .

JAI HIND


This is our country INDIA's 60th Independence Day!
Freedom is not a Right but a Feeling!

Let's be proud to feel the Freedom!
Let all of us get to-gether & Let's Celebrate Our Freedom!
It is our duty to preserve this Freedom! Carry this forward to the future!
We did,We do,We will do!!!
Set the celebration on Air, Share your Joy, You're Free to do it,

Vande Mataram!

Click for more photos related to our nation builders

Monday, August 13, 2007

Boss Is Boss

Car Bomb

Once two sardars got involved in terrorising their city. After deep thinking on how to execute the plan, they decided to explode a car bomb. While fixing the bomb here goes the conversation.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Challenge Vs problem

Teacher to student : Whats the difference between CHALLENGE & PROBLEM ?

Student: 3 men & 1 woman in bed is a PROBLEM
3 women & 1 man in bed is a CHALLENGE

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Math genius




Truthful woodcutter

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,

"Why are you crying my child ?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying my child?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife.

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so
THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

Friday, August 10, 2007

On-site deputation

IF LION goes on-site.............

In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a centralised air-conditioned environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Moral of Story: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Do not buy this book.

If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are in Pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true story...
and

let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University Road
.........

My friend lives in Deccan... One day he went to University Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the last PMT to University Road..... he reached University Road around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that.....

It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his old guy was unusually pale and staring at him...
The old guy said "Son why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".

Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of his life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections...
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities... but he found one that was very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"

The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250.

My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said

"This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have the book for that price"

As my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back & said
"Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last page...
remember these words or you will regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?

The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that there's one old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just asking".

He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his mind...
At night, 2 o'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said!

But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart

I warn you

...........

....

....

....

Once again I warn you not to scroll further

...

....

....

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

....

...

...

...

....

So, really you want to ....

...

...

...

....

...

...

.....

Original price:-- Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-
**********************************

Friday, August 03, 2007

Cat too listens to music.

Cat listening To Lata Mangeshkar..



Cat listening to Himesh Reshmia




Cat listening to BABA Ram Dev



Cat listening to Anup Jalota



Cat listening to Kumar Sanu



Cat listening to you

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Please make New York as capital of India

Kuttappan’s son: Oh God, Please make New York as capital of India .

Kuttappan: Hey, Why are you praying so?

Son: Because I have written so in my exams.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

You can still change others lives by being last

Once a bus carrying only ugly people was involved in a crash, and everyone on the bus died.They all went to Heaven and because of the grief they suffered God, decided to grant them all one wish each.

They all lined up, and God asked the first one what his wish was. One person answered, "I want to be beautiful," and so God snapped his fingers, and it was done. The second one in line saw that and said "I want to be beautiful too.“ Another snap of God’s fingers and the wish was granted.

This went on for a while and when God was halfway down the line, the last person in line started laughing. When there are only ten people left, this man was rolling on the floor and laughing …

Finally, God got to the end of the line and asked the laughing man what his wish was.
The man said, "Make them all ugly again !!!!"

Moral - Don't get disheartened for being last, as you can still change others lives by being last

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Population

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

Kuttappan stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Please bring your own cup

This is what happened when a certain Company put up the following memo:

OFFICE MEMO:

May all members of staff please note that

there will only be one drink per person

at this New Year Party.
And please bring your own cup !


Regards, Management

..


..

(scroll down)


..


..

..






Sunday, July 29, 2007

To get rid of mosquitoes ...

Doctor: If you want not to be bitten by mosquitoes, you have to apply this cream.

Kuttappan: Huh! how is it possible! How can I catch each mosquito and apply the cream.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Opens lunch box! Huh

Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....
WHY ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

The word that has 100 letters

Kuttappan: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Nettappan: Post office.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

water tumbler

Doctor: To cure this disease you have to drink 10 tumblers of water daily.
Patient: Its not possible for me.
Doctor: Why
Patient: I have only five tumblers in my home.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Secret of long and happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of thetown. What a peaceful & loving couple".. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said,'that's once'." We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again.Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'."And we lived happily ever after."