Festival Date Day
REPUBLIC DAY 26-Jan-2010 Sunday
HOLI 16-Mar-2010 Sunday
MAY DAY 01-May-2010 Saturday
INDEPENDENCE DAY 15-Aug-2010 Sunday
GANDHI JAYANTI 02-Oct-2010 Saturday
DASSERA 17-Oct-2010 Sunday
DIWALI 05-Nov-2010 Sunday
CHRISTMAS 25-Dec-2010 Saturday
Not such a sweet news for Government employees, students, etc..,
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Living in 2009
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Genius Salesman from India
The Manager says: "Do you have any sales experience?"
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chap so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
“If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a large fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he's going fishing and he said down on the
coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sold him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."
The Indian says: "Sir, I was a salesman back home in India."
Well, the boss liked the Indian chap so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow.. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
"How many sales did you make today?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, Just ONE sale."
The boss says: "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
“If you want to keep this job, you'd better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?"
Indian boy says: " $101 237. 64"
Boss says: "$101 237. 64? What the hell did you sell?"
Indian boy says: "Sir, First I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a large fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod and some fishing gear.
Then I asked him where he's going fishing and he said down on the
coast, so I told him he'll be needing a boat, so we went down to the boating department and I sold him twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to our automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.
I then ask him where he'll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents.
Then the guy said, while we're at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer.
The boss said: "You're not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fishhook and you sold him a boat, a 4X4 truck and a tent?"
Indian boy says: "No Sirji, actually he came in to buy Anacin for his headache, and I said: Well, fishing is the best way to relax your mind."
Monday, December 28, 2009
A Small Story…
A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully
The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.
That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn’t sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.
Moral of the story: If you don’t give your hundred percent in a relationship, you’ll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship etc., Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The president
A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God , INDIA , they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs. 30.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs. 30, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs. 20 as tax ... "
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God , INDIA , they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.
The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs. 30.
The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money (Rs.50) to a little boy,
and he did not want to spoil the kid.
The little boy was delighted with Rs. 30, and decided to write a thank you note to God,
which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those donkeys deducted Rs. 20 as tax ... "
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man,
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
It’s your stupidity.
.......
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.......
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
.......
it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man,
It’s your stupidity.
.......
I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.......
How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?
.......
Friday, December 25, 2009
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people
shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, Because we lose our
calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the
saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why
do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able
to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to
shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are
very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other
in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at
each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they
love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say
words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the
distance is so great
shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, Because we lose our
calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the
saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why
do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their
hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able
to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to
shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They
don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are
very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens?
They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other
in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at
each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they
love each other.'
MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say
words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the
distance is so great
Thursday, December 24, 2009
The Boss
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:p
Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST
The ghost says: Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails."Pfufffff and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back right now ." Pfuffff ……….:p
Lesson :- ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
I'm having a baby
A three-year-old walked up to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctor’s office.
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Then why did you eat him?"
He inquisitively asked the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She answered, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked,
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Then why did you eat him?"
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Laws Which Newton Forgot to State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
***
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
***
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
***
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
***
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
***
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
***
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
***
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
***
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
***
Monday, December 21, 2009
90-year-old man
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."
"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've got an eighteen-year-old bride who's pregnant & delivered a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion."
"Exactly"... Said the Doc.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Doctor's Medical Certificate
Doctor Certified
I certify that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.
Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.
Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.
The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.
which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/- Dr. Impatient
I certify that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.
Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.
Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.
The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc.
which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/- Dr. Impatient
Saturday, December 19, 2009
A surprise gift that accelerates from 0 to 100 within 4 seconds
The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband.
Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'
Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.
And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought. !
A WEIGHING MACHINEThe poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder!
Friday, December 18, 2009
A Fairy tale
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
Moral: Men should remember that Fairies are female.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.
Moral: Men should remember that Fairies are female.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
CRAZY not equal to STUPID
One truck driver was doing his usual delivery to IMH (Institute of mental health).
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient from the Mental Health Institute (IMH) happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem. no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at this Mental Institute?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
He discovered a flat tyre when he was about to go home. He jacked up the truck and took the flat tyre down. When he was about to fix the spare tyre, he accidentally dropped all the bolts into the drain. As he can't fish the bolts out, he started to panic.
One patient from the Mental Health Institute (IMH) happened to walk past and asked the driver what happened. The driver thought to himself, since there's nothing much he can do; he told the patient the whole incident.
The patient laughed at him & said "can't even fix such a simple problem. no wonder you are destined to be a truck driver..." Here's what you can do, take one bolt each from the other 3 tyres and fix it onto this tyre. Then drive to the nearest workshop and replace the missing ones, easy as that"
The driver was very impressed and asked "You're so smart but why are you here at this Mental Institute?"
Patient replied: "Hello, I stay here because I'm crazy not STUPID!"
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Where is GOD?
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably Involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.
........................
...............................
..............................
...........................
..................
................
GOD is missing, and they think we did it!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
One liners
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus !!!
"LETS BE FRIENDS", GUYZ use to begin the relationship but GALS Use to End :) "
"A Boy friend or Husband is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. "
" People say" Behind every successful man there is successful woman" but "Behind every Successful WOMAN there is a exhausted MAN"
"Behind every successful Man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful Man is usually another woman."
"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are."
"Potential of Man, he can have as many gal friends as his wife thinks, but reality his wife won't let him"
"There is nothing called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, rather they should re-phrase it as INFATUATION AT FIRST SIGHT"
"God Created Man, Man invented money. God created women and discovered to spend Man's money "
"Love is like Cricket during 80's it was like Test Match, in 90's it was like ODI but now it is like T20"
"Gal Friends are like mistakes you always do when you try some thing new but wife is like habit after several mistakes"
"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."
"An IDEA can change ur Life ... But, a Woman Can change your IDEA!"
"Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that. "
"A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject"
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
"Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious."
"Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him. "
"In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested."
"Statistics are like bikinis.. what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential! '-) "
"Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men? "
"Marriage is a battle between unstoppable force against an immovable object"
"A WIFE IS JUST AN OBSTACLE BETWEEN HUSBAND & GAL FRIEND ;-) "
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."
"LETS BE FRIENDS", GUYZ use to begin the relationship but GALS Use to End :) "
"A Boy friend or Husband is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. "
" People say" Behind every successful man there is successful woman" but "Behind every Successful WOMAN there is a exhausted MAN"
"Behind every successful Man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful Man is usually another woman."
"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are."
"Potential of Man, he can have as many gal friends as his wife thinks, but reality his wife won't let him"
"There is nothing called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, rather they should re-phrase it as INFATUATION AT FIRST SIGHT"
"God Created Man, Man invented money. God created women and discovered to spend Man's money "
"Love is like Cricket during 80's it was like Test Match, in 90's it was like ODI but now it is like T20"
"Gal Friends are like mistakes you always do when you try some thing new but wife is like habit after several mistakes"
"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."
"An IDEA can change ur Life ... But, a Woman Can change your IDEA!"
"Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that. "
"A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject"
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
"Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious."
"Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him. "
"In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested."
"Statistics are like bikinis.. what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential! '-) "
"Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men? "
"Marriage is a battle between unstoppable force against an immovable object"
"A WIFE IS JUST AN OBSTACLE BETWEEN HUSBAND & GAL FRIEND ;-) "
"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."
Monday, December 14, 2009
3 Parrots
A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.The next day he went to the pet shop and sawthree identical parrots in a cage.
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500."Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk."He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?
The owner said it was Rs. 2500."Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responds the clerk."He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."
The man then asked what the second parrot cost.The clerk replied, Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000,but is an expert computer programmer.
Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.The clerk replies, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything.
But the other two call him "BOSS"!!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
The Seed
A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED.I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however... He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow..
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.
Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front.Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.
"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"
Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.
He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued. "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED.I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you.I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."
One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed.Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.
Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure. Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however... He just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow..
A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection. Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!
When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.
Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees, and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"
All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front.Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"
When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.
The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer! His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.
"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.
Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed.. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.
All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"
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