Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Mistake

If a barber makes a mistake,
It's a NEW STYLE

...


If a driver makes a mistake,
It is a NEW PATH

...

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a NEW VENTURE

...

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a NEW GENERATION

...

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a NEW LAW

...

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a NEW INVENTION

...

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a NEW FASHION

...

If a teacher makes a mistake ,
It is a NEW THEORY

...

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is a NEW IDEA

...

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a "MISTAKE"

Thursday, September 20, 2007

weather forecast

Different perspective

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the
express purpose of showing him how poor people live.
They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.
"Oh yeah," said the son.
"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered:
"I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
The boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.
Appreciate every single thing you have!
Pass this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Three Feelings

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

WIFE

Husband asks , "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? "

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Finding lost wife

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Communication Gap

Mr. Verma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs.Verma receives a telephone call from AEC (American Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs.Verma?"

"Yes...... speaking"

AEC guy: "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy .

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????"

" Yes .. We have a system of finding out who's overdue "

" GOD ! this is too much.."

"Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue"

"I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. .... he will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a CANDLE."

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Lorry accident

2 Sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sardar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case ya.

Sardar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

Monday, September 10, 2007

Sunday, September 09, 2007

tHe BeSt LeTtErS

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people

An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction me one-week leave.

Another employee applying for a half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10’O Clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

Student to Headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

Another student:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

By a student:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."


Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

From XX Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.

leave application:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

Another gem:
Leave-letter from an employee who was performing
his daughter's wedding: "as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist and an accountant - Male or Female'...
As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both, I am applying for the post.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

after rain there sure will be a sunshine

Whatever your cross,

whatever your pain,

there will always be sunshine,

After the rain....

Friday, September 07, 2007

What happens if (INR) Re.1 = US$ 45

Scene 1

Venue : Microsoft Corporation, New York , US . Some s/w engineers are seeing some photographs.
s/w engg 1 : What's that?
s/w engg 2 : Bob's photographs from India .
s/w engg 1 : Wow. Let me see. Which is this place?
s/w engg 3 : (Sees the photo) This is Himayatnagar, Hyderabad
s/w engg 1 : Fundoo yaar! And what is this? He got Bajaj Pulsar also.
s/w engg 2 : Let me see (sees). This guy enjoys life maan...
s/w engg 3 : You know how much an Bajaj Pulsar costs? Nearly 60K..... Say it in dollars... (60000*45 = 27,00,000 dollars)
s/w engg 2: Oops. We can't dream of such a thing here.
s/w engg 1 : Let's go to India & try for a job.
[Everybody excited.]

------------

SCENE 2
Venue: Sun Microsystems, SanFrancisco , California , US
s/w engg 1: I'm with you man. My Visa is expected anytime. Soon I will fly to India
s/w engg 2 : Ohhh.... When is the party?
s/w engg 1: When I get it on hand.
s/w engg 2: Where will you be working?
s/w engg 1 : I'll be working in Amberpet
s/w engg 2 : Oh! Amberpet. Great yaar. where it is...
s/w engg 1 : It is in Hyd.
s/w engg 3 : Fundoo place yaar. Nice climate Not like California. You'll love the weather yaar. One of my friends is in Bhongir...He says it's the ultimate place to live in. Cool maan.
s/w engg 2 : Who is the client yaar?
s/w engg 1: You know Municipal Corporation of Hyderabad ?
s/w engg 3 : Yeah. MCH. One of my friends is there in the Road Cleaning Division. Most challenging job yaar. People are working in the cutting edge of technology there.
s/w engg 1 : I'll be writing software for the accounts department of the GCU.
s/w engg 2: GCU? what it means...?
s/w engg 1 : that is Garbage Collecting Unit.
s/w engg 3 : : Great yaar. That's what I like about that country. You can get a job which requires all your skill. Not like here. See I'm writing software for the space shuttle remote control. I hate this.
s/w engg 1 : Don't worry guys. I'll give you my Hotmail id. You can send your resume to me and I'll forward it to the HRD.

[Everybody takes down his Hotmail id.]

------------

SCENE 3

Venue: IBM, New York , US
(Conversation between a Male s/w engg. and Female s/w engg.)

Male : Hi!
Female: Hi. You know. I'm planning to settle in India soon.
Male : What??
Female : Yeah. My marriage will be here in America only. He is doing his Ph.D in J.N.T.U and he's coming here for a month. His study will be over in 2 months. He's already got a job in MSCB. We planned to settle in Hyd itself... I'm also planning to work there. Let's see...
Male: Good luck... dont forget us & US...

------------

SCENE 4

Venue: Intel Corp. US s/w engg 1: Great news guys. Our George has got admission in the IGNOU with scholarship for B.A History. A great new field yaar...
All are excited...
George : Got my Visa yesterday. It's all finalized now.
s/w engg 2 : Congrats yaar. So you are out of this country.
s/w engg 1 : B.A in Histroy...ohh. ..man, enjoy your life there?
s/w engg 2 : : Got full aid, eh?
George : Yeah. Got the UGC scholarship That will be 1200 Rupees per Year.
s/w engg 1 : Great. Enjoy.
s/w engg 2 : (Thinking loud): 1200 Indian Rupees...! that means 1200 * 45 = 54000 Dollars... with that amount I can buy an three bed-room flat & a Mercedes here...!!!

------------

SCENE 5

A foreigner working in Hyderabad as Software Engg gets a call from his Home ..

Father : What are you doing son ?
S/w Eng : Having breakfast ?
Father : what are you eating ?
S/w Eng: Coconut Sauce and Rice Bread


***
ie (Idli and Chutney :-) )

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Dhoni's technique


Only ONE Batsman in the world who can have this kind of technique

Look at where his bat,

his feet

and

mainly the cricket ball is !!!!!


" Technically perfect " CAMERA SHOT !!!

But, what about his technique ?????

May be inspired by Rajini’s Chandramuki opening scene

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Post office

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?

Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.

Customer : I bet you, it won't.


Post Master : Why not?


Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai. He Hee Hee

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Sardar buys clock

Sardarji is in Delhi . He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower. When someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.

Sardarji says "Yes".

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured out that he was taken for a ride.

On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Innovative idea - Beer cooler

Saturday, September 01, 2007

How old is your father?

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born

Dinner choices...

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.