Wonderful definitions of designations at office.

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to Produce a baby. and lastly .
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby.

The 99 Club

Once upon a time......there lived a Kingwho.....despite his luxurious lifestyle.....was neither happy nor content.
One day, the King came upon a servant who was singinghappily while he worked. This fascinated the King; why was he......theSupreme Ruler of the and..........unhappy and gloomy, while a lowlyservant had so much joy.
The King asked the servant, " How come you are sohappy?"
The man replied, " Your Majesty, I am nothing but aservant, but my family and I don't need too much............just aroof over our heads and warm food to fill our tummies ."
The king was not satisfied with that reply. Later inthe day, he sought the advice of his most trusted advisor. After hearingthe King's woes and the servant's story, the advisor said, " YourMajesty, I believe that the servant has not been made part of The 99Club."
" The 99 Club? And what exactly is that?" the Kinginquired.
The advisor replied, " Your Majesty, to truly knowwhat The 99 Club is...........place 99 Gold coins in a bag and leave itat this servant's doorstep."
When the servant saw the bag.......he took it into hishouse. When he opened the bag, he let out a great shout of joy.......wow....so many gold coins!
He began to count them. After several counts.....hewas at last convinced that there were 99 coins. He wondered, "What could've happened to that last gold coin? Surely, no one would leave 99coins! "
He looked everywhere he could..... but that last coinwas elusive. Finally, exhausted, he decided that he was going tohave to work harder than ever to earn that gold coin and complete hiscollection.
From that day....the servant's life changed. He wasoverworked, horribly grumpy, and castigated his family for nothelping him make that 100th gold coin. He felt so unhappy all the time.... hestopped singing while he worked.
Witnessing this drastic transformation....the King waspuzzled. When he sought his advisor's help, the advisor said, " YourMajesty, the servant has now officially joined The 99 Club. "
He continued, " The 99 Club is a name given to thosepeople who have enough to be happy but are nevercontented.......because they're always yearning and striving for that extra 1....... tellingthemselves: "Let me get that one final thing and then I will be happyfor life .."
We too can be happy with very little in ourlives.......but the minute we're given something bigger and better...... we needto watch out for our monkey minds ........ which may want even more!
We lose our sleep........our happiness......we hurtthe people around us.......all these as a price for our growing needsand desires.
So dear friends........its all up to us.......whetherwe want to join 'The 99 Club' ........or not!

Did you know these Facts

Thank u Ganesh

oH SaRdArr Ji ...

What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji &
Jesus..?
Sardarji Replied : All are Born on Government
Holidays.
*****

Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone from
his Phone Book & said
"My Mobile No. has changed .. Earlier it was Nokia
3310 Now it is 6610"
*****

Santa : I am a Proud Sardar, My son is in Medical
College
Banta : Really, what is he studing
Santa : No is not studying, they are Studying him.
******

Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much
thinking, he finally writes a

love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

*****


Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I
write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
*****

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the
judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.


*****

Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in
School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the
teacher erases the board.


*****

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use
pigeons.
1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message.
Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

*****


Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

*****


Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once
entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got
out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.

*****

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know
that every time I breathe
a
man dies?"
Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?
>

Thank u Ethiraj

Kuttappan the GreaTTT

Kuttappan is a --!!--
Kuttappan was bragging to his Boss one day, "You
know..... I know
everyone there is to know. Just name someone,
anyone important, and
I'm sure Iwill know them."
Tired of his boasting, his Boss called his bluff,
"OK, Kuttappan,
how
about Tom Cruise?" Kuttappan replies "Sure, yes,
Tom and I are old
friends, and I can prove it."
So Kuttappan and his Boss fly out to Hollywood and
knock, on Tom
Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts,"
Hey Kutz!! Great
to see you! You and your friend must come in and
join me for lunch!"
They have a blast of a time. Katie Holmes even
personally packs 2
sets of Masala Dosas, which is of course specially
made by their
South Indian chef. They bid each other farewell.

Although impressed, Kuttappan's Boss is still
skeptical. After they
leave Cruise's house, he tells Kuttappan that he
thinks Kuttappan's
knowing Cruise was just
lucky. Kuttappan says "No, no, you go ahead and just
name anyone
else."
"President Bush!" his Boss quickly retorts.
Kuttappan says "Yes, OK,
but I am telling you I don't like him very much, he
is very cunning,
anyway let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots
Kuttappan on the
tour and motions him and his Boss over, saying,
"Kuttans! What a
surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting. The CIA
just informed me
Osama is heading for the Pakistan Border, Hey
Kuttans, are you still
on speaking terms with Osama, maybe you could
confirm the information
for me? Oh never mind! You and your friend come on
in and let's have
a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the Boss is much shaken by now, but still not
totally
convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds, he
expresses his doubts to
Kuttappan who again implores him to name anyone
else. "The Pope!"
his Boss replies.
"Sure! This I like,
I've been meaning to see him, he is not keeping too
well y'know" says Kuttappan. "And I have a lot of
friends in Vatican;
it's like my second home! And me and the Pope go
back a long way,
surely this will be a good trip"
So off they fly to Rome. Kuttappan and his Boss are
assembled with
the masses in Vatican Square when Kuttappan says,
"This will never
work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these
people. Tell you
what, I know all the guards, so let me just go
upstairs and I'll come
out on the balcony with the Pope."
The Boss shakes his head unbelievably and says "Yeah
right!!"
Still so, Kuttappan disappears into the crowd,
headed towards the
Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Kuttappan
emerges with the
Pope on the balcony, waves to the crowds with the
Pope and takes
leave.
But by the time Kuttappan returns, he finds that his
Boss has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Walking his way to
his Boss' side, Kuttappan asks him, "What happened?"


His Boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until
you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said,
and "Who's that
on the balcony with Kuttappan?

- Thank u Anand

R u in LOVE with someone???

If you have sleepless nights.....





If someone breaks the silence of a dark lonely night



If someone sings new melodies in your ear every
evening..



Then its nothing other than!!!!















Mosquitos..... hee haa..

Thank u Ganesh

Interview...

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele
Communication engineering
from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of
Technology? I had never heard
of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before
getting an admission
into it . What happened is - due to cricket world
cup
I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But
my father said (I
prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so
much
of money".(The baap
actually said - "I will never waste so much of money
on you"). So I had to
join this college. Frankly
speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at
the
most be related to a
Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years
to complete your
engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in
4
years. But you know,
these cricket matches and football world cup, and
tennis tournaments. It is
difficult to concentrate. So I flunked in 2nd and
3rd
year. So in all I
took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in
maths. But I will try to
keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These
cricket matches really
affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket
matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in
life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My
mom never thought I
would complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd
year, she was looking for
a job for me in BEST (Bus corporation in
Maharashtra)
through some relative.


Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing
'lower' education itself
was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On
which platforms have you
worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say
Andheri is my current
platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi
was
my platform then. As
you can see I have experience of different
platforms!
(Vashi and Andheri are
the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I
can
keep quiet in German,
French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B.
So
VC is a higher version
than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a
new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly
Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I
guess,
this is the language
our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project
experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is -
most of th! e times
they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata
InfoTech ltd. Since joining
BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to
think that Bench was
another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management
experience?

Candidate: No, but I gues! s it shouldn't be
difficult. I know Word and
Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for
International phone call and
use speaker facility. And very important - I know
few
words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality','versioncontrol','deadlines' ,
'Customer Satisfaction'
etc. Also I can blame others for my
mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our
company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But
it
should not have
deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects
natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would
like to wear t-shirt and
jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest
Wednesday
off also, so as to
avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short
term preferably 1-2
months) assignments. Personally I prefer US,
Australia
and Europe. But
considering the fact that there is a world cup in
West
Indies in 2007, I
don't mind going there in that period. As you can
see
I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my
selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your
interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so
much
before. Welcome to
***** .. :-)) We look forward to working with
you..:-))

Reservations - An imagination - Have fun