Mistress

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think scientifically)

Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isnt it)

.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something else)

Sardar & interview

A Sardar on an interview for the post of Detective.

Interviewer : Who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank you Sir for giving me the job, I will start investigating...!

confidence and confidential

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?

speed of light

If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (i dont have a change to try)

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)

Sardar's essay exam

A Sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and the essay reads as follows

AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

Condom factory

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are yours ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

Sardarji & Ph.D

Interviewer: What is your qualification?

Sardarji : Sir I am P.H.D.

Interviewer : What do you mean by P.H.D ?

Sardarji : Passed High School with Difficulty....

Can you cry under water? (let me try)

Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? (to be give a thought)

Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

Santa singh at an accident spot

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!


Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

(stupid, break the law)

If all the nations in the world are in debt (i am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird).

One liners -- Hidden meanings in Company talk

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

Vanilla Ice Cream that puzzled General motors!

An Interesting Story

Never underestimate your Clients' Complaint, no matter how funny it might seem!

This is a real story that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-Care Executive. Pls read on.....

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of Ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.....

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?" The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an Engineer to check it out anyway.

The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The Engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavor.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!!!! The engineer quickly came up with the answer: "vapor lock".

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Even crazy looking problems are sometimes real and all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.

Don't just say it is " IMPOSSIBLE" without putting a sincere effort.... Observe the word "IMPOSSIBLE" carefully....

Looking closer you will see, "I'M POSSIBLE"...
What really matters is your attitude and your perception.

Moral of the Story "Try to Fix the Bug instead of making it as a Known issues"

MBBS & Sardar

After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice.

He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears with a Torch

&

Finally Said: "Oye, Torch is okay"

Miss & Mister

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend: "I MISS YOU"

Sardarji replied: "I Mr. YOU" !!.

Sardar & Airhostess

Sardar in airplane going to Bombay .

While its landing he was excited and shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

Difference between Orange and Apple

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?

Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.

Sardar to judge

Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.

Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?

Miss Call

Sardar: Miss, Did u call me on my mobile?

Teacher: Me? No, why?

Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".

That girl is deaf

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf.

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals (Shoes) are new

2 Swimming Pools

Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled?

When asked him, he said,

"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.

Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)

My mobile bill

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Wife

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?'

'Yep!'

'Do I know her?'

'Nope!'

'This woman, is she good looking?'

'Not really.'

'Is she a good cook?'

'Naw, she can't cook too well.'

'Does she have lots of money?'

'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'

'Well, then, why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'