World cup

Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: RESULT DECLARED, PAST YEAR'S PERFORMANCE REPEATED.

Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.

Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.

Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
A sardar was going on the road. Then he sees a man who has met with an accident. So he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the hospital. Then the sardar realizes that the man should have brought by ambulance. So he takes him back where he picked him sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncture. He took spare tyre and changed in the place of punctured tyre. But unfortunately he misplaced the four screws to fit the tyre on its place .
He was so confused ,,now what to do,, a pagal(mentally retarded) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre. There after u can go where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume pagal kahate hai lakin
I dont think u are a pagal.
pagal replied
sir,,

I m a pagal but i m not a sardar.

Teacher

TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America ?
JOHNY: George!

TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
Little JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.

Little Johnny

L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt ?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!