Never be a Developer

Introduction:
Roshan D'Mello (QA Tester) 
Developer (Mukesh Thakur) 
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Roshan D'Mello: Hey Mukesh, there is a bug in your code. Type a text in username text box and press enter. Beep sound doesn't appear.

Mukesh Thakur: How can that be a bug? There is no requirement that beep sound should come. Anyway, I will assign it to offshore and get it fixed.


After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : Roshan, bug is fixed. Please verify.

After another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound is not coming in some PCs. Sound is coming in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry is not getting the sound.


After another 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : Not a bug. I observed that your friend Rajat Choudhry has Old IBM machine. Unlike your DELL machine, IBM machines do not have inbuilt speakers. So, to hear the sound in Rajat Choudhry's machine, please use head phones and then get the bug closed soon.


Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because sound tone is different across different machines. Sound is coming as 'BEEP' in my machine, but my colleague Rajat Choudhry who is having IBM machine is getting the sound as 'TONG'.

Mukesh Thakur: Not a bug. Get lost man. What can we do for the bug? The Two machines are built in such a way that they produce different sounds. Do you expect the developers to rebuild the IBM processors to make them uniform?
Please close it.


Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug because intensity of beep sound produced on 2 different DELL machines is different. My machine produces beep sound of intensity 10 decibels whereas my friend's machine produces sound worth 20 decibels. Fix your code to make the sound uniform across all machines..
 
Another 2 days later,

Mukesh Thakur :  Once again it is not a bug. I have noticed that the volume set is different on the two machines. Ensure that volume is same in both the machines before I get mad and then close the bug.
 

Another 2 days,

Roshan D'Mello :  I have re-opened the bug.

Mukesh Thakur :  What ?? Why? What more stupid reasons can be there for re-opening?

Roshan D'Mello:  Sound intensity is different for machines placed at different locations (different buildings). So, I have re-opened it.


After 2 days,

Mukesh Thakur : I have made some scientists do an acoustical analysis of the two buildings you used for testing. They have observed that the acoustics in the two buildings varies to a large extent. That is why sound intensity is different across the 2 buildings. So, I beg you to please close the bugs.


After 1 year

Roshan D'Mello :  I am re-opeing the bug. During the year, I requested The clients to arrange architects to build two buildings with same acoustical features, so that I can test it again. Now, when I tested, I found that intensity of sound still varying. So, I am re-opening the defect.

Mukesh Thakur : GROWLLLL.....I am really mad now. I am sure that the sound waves of the two buildings are getting distorted due to some background noice or something. Now I need to waste time to prove that it is because of background noice.

Roshan D'Mello :   No need for that. We will put the machines and run them in vacuum and see.

Mukesh Thakur:  ??

Result-----------------------
He is now in mental asylum while Roshan D’Mello has become QA Manager.

Honorable Husbands

Position of a Husband is just like a Split AC

No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor

He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

A man in Hell asked Devil:Can I make a call to my Wife?

After making call he asked how much to pay.

Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,So I'd be in your hands all day.

Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,So I could have a new one every day.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.

Wife: When must I give it to him?

Doctor: No, it is for you

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?

Husband: A lovely Push...!

Performance and not Position that matters

A Priest  is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. 

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai! 

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

Now it is the priest's turn.

He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has to make do with a Cotton robe?'' 

Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.'While you preached, people SLEPT; 

but when he drove his Auto, people PRAYED'

"It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately counts."