Monday, August 31, 2009

Twins for an IT couple

Someone in the IT industry gave birth to a set of twins.

Guess what they named them?


See Below for Answer….


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Thursday, August 27, 2009

Alibaba & 30 Thieves

At first, it was Alibaba & 40 Thieves
now
it is Alibaba & 30 Thieves


WHY?

Poocho Kyon ?.......









Recession Boss!!!Alibaba had removed 10 thieves from his group.Cost Cutting...

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Doctor's Medical Certificate

Doctor Certified

I Certified that Mr. /Miss ________________ _ , working in your organization, is suffering from 'time-bound' illness.

Due to this, he/she will NOT be able to work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week.

Any attempt to stretch beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems.

The losses to the company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains made by stretching beyond 8 hours.

It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot be granted. ." etc. which can directly lead to heart strokes.

In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in accordance with the convenience of my patient.


Sd/- Dr. Impatient

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Thattuvams

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Moral

Enjoy !

Once a Junior School teacher asked her students to bring some potatoes in a plastic bag to school. Each potato will be given a name of the person whom that child hates. Like this, the number of potatoes will be equal to the number of persons they hate. On a decided day the children brought their potatoes well addressed. Some had two, some had three and some had even five potatoes. The teacher said they have to carry these potatoes with them everywhere they go for a week.. As the days passed the children started to complain about the spoiled smell that started coming from these potatoes. Also some students who had many potatoes complained that it was very heavy to carry them all around. The children got rid of this assignment after a week, when it got over.


The teacher asked, "How did you feel in this one week?" The children discussed their problems about the smell and weight. Then the teacher said, "This situation is very similar to what you carry in your heart when you don't like some people. This hatred makes your heart unhealthy and you carry that hatred in your heart everywhere you go. If you can not bear the smell of spoiled potatoes for a week, imagine the impact of this hatred that you carry through out your life, on your heart?"

MORALE:

* OUR HEART IS A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN THAT NEEDS A REGULAR CLEANING OF UNWANTED WEEDS.

* FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE NOT BEHAVED WITH YOU AS EXPECTED AND FORGET THE BAD THINGS. THIS ALSO MAKES ROOM AVAILABLE FOR STORING GOOD THINGS.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Dark night. In a car

This happened about a month ago near Sheikalmudi.

A guy was driving from Kovai to Sheikalmudi and decided to drive slow as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere.

Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest town. It's dark and raining. And pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the rain is so heavy he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him.

Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the door and jumps in.

Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him - when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!

Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming.

Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel!

The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend.

Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights. It's a small village called Sholayar dam.

He stumbles into a dhaba, and asks for a drink, and breaks down. Then he starts talking about the horrible experience he's just been through.

There is dead silence in the dhaba when he stops talking
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and that's when Santa and Banta Singh walk into the dhaba. Santa points and says 'Look Banta - that's the weird guy who got into our car when we were pushing it '

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Born a Sikh, raised a Sikh, now a Catholic

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden
from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said,
"You were born a Sikh,
and
raised a Sikh,
but now,
you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as
he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken,
and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken,
and
you waz Raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato!"

Friday, August 21, 2009

Getting up very early in the morning

One day a fisherman got up very early in the morning.

There was not enough sunlight to get into the sea.

He saw a pack of stones to pass time.

He started throwing the stone into the sea.

While having the last stone in the hand,
the sun came up then he saw that the stone was a diamond.

He felt for his misfortune of throwing all of them into the sea...


Moral of the story: Below
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Do not get up early in the morning...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tonglish

Nama adicha athu mottai, Athuva vilundha athu sottai!

Thannikulla kappal pona jolly... Kappalkulla thanni pona gali...

Odambula ethanai cell irundhalum athula 'simcard' poda mudiyathu..
Calenderla naama enna thethi kizhichomngarathu mukkiyam illa.
Kizhicha thethiyila naama ennatha kizhichomngarathu than mukkiyam.

Pallu valina palla pudungalaam aana kannu vali na kanna pudungamudiyuma...
:)

Running racela kaal evalavu vegama odinaalum, ! Price kaikuthaan
kedaikkum!!

ULAGAM THERIYAAMA VALRRAVAN VEGULY
CRICKET THERIYAAMA VILAYADURAVAN GANGULY

Sodava fridgela vacha cooling soda aagum,
Athukkaaga atha washing machinela vacha washing soda aagumaa!!

lunch bag le lunch eduthuttu pogalam...
aana school bagle school eduthuttu poga mudiyathu..

South India-la Narthangai kidaikkum.
Aaana, North India-la Southangai kidaikuma?!
Today's punch:
Thanneera Thanninnu sollalaam
Panneera panninnu solla mudiyuma??

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wishing well

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep..

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Wife dead

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Man, The Master of Women

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Friday, August 14, 2009

Perfect

There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Different Phases of a man

Different Phases of a man:

After engagement: Superman

After Marriage: Gentleman

After 10 years: Watchman

After 20 years: Doberman

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Marriage

Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

To tell each other affectionately. . " Sweetheart U R Dead! "

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Marriage

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.

It's called marriage

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Husband

A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest.

A man who surrenders when not Sure, is Wise.

A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a Husband.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Wives

It is difficult to understand GOD.

He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !

Friday, August 07, 2009

Wedding anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours..

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Police Call Centre

Boxing aka Wedding

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Monday, August 03, 2009

Key to Success

After such a big research about the Key to success, the following 2 KEY THINGS were found to be only shortcut to success
and
a steep climb up the corporate ladder.....
Scroll down for more....
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Sunday, August 02, 2009

"Not my Job" award



This year the "Not My Job" award goes to The National Highways Department

Saturday, August 01, 2009

10 jobs in 14 years

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). This dude, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:
Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?

A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.