The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife good-bye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the door bell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'
'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'
'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'
'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!
After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'
'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. '
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!'
'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'
'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.
'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'
'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'
'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'
'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I ha d to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'
'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?'
'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'
Mrs. Smith fainted.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Two seriously ill men
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room.
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man eagerly asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't .
One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window.
The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.
The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man eagerly asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall.
The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window.
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue:
There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't .
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I am your Guardian Angel
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came creekking around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your Guardian Angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came creekking around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'
'I am your Guardian Angel,' the voice answered.
'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?
Friday, October 09, 2009
Poor groom
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'
The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :
'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'
The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !
Thursday, October 08, 2009
The Empty Jar And 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your life seem, Almost too much to handle, When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the story of the empty jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked The students again If the jar was full..
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided.
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.'
So when shall we have a cup of coffee...?
Remember the story of the empty jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students, If the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked The students again If the jar was full..
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced Two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents Into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, As the laughter subsided.
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else -- The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things That are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time
To clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first -- The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.'
So when shall we have a cup of coffee...?
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Recruitment for "Chairman of Microsoft Europe"
Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room.
One candidate is our Ramasamy.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
Another 2000 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
Then, 500 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
Now, 498 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, our Ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says 'endha ooru?'
The other candidate answers… 'Madurai pakkam'
"vazhga tamil"
One candidate is our Ramasamy.
Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.
2000 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA, but I nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try !'
Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people may leave.
Another 2000 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to 'I never managed anybody by myself, but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me ?' So he stays.
Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.
Then, 500 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I left school at 15, but what have I got to lose ?' So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo-Croat to leave.
Now, 498 people leave the room.
Ramasamy says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo-Croat but what do I have to lose ?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate; Everyone else has gone.
Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'
Calmly, our Ramasamy turns to the other candidate and says 'endha ooru?'
The other candidate answers… 'Madurai pakkam'
"vazhga tamil"
Moveme.com : Provides everything needed to moving our home
Just got a "transfer order" letter from your boss?
The next big thing blocking in your mind is the hassles involved in making the shift of your home to your new place of cohabitation. For many of us, its not just that easy to move our home. The process goes on with many things starting from finding a gas connection to getting the electricity facility apart from finding that good school for your kid pursue his studies.
I got to see this portal www.moveme.com which is involved in making your move a easy one in a hassle free manner. The design of the site is somewhat to be adored which imbibes with a lot of vital information about house conveyancing needed to be known before shifting the home.
The whole guide right from about the conveyancing solicitor available at the portal is a quite an informative one. The legal process involved in moving your house is quite described through every step. One can get a survey done by a chartered surveyor. There is also guidance by a property solicitor to provide information on the legal work involved in selling or purchasing a property and makes it complete with advise on property conveyancing . A move planner available at the portal helps in sourcing the moving tools available online and its quite a worth to engage moveme.com to save time and cost involved in moving your house.
The first thing which happens is a heart burn since you are bound to miss some vital things while moving your house. The portal gives a solution for this with moving check list. This check list helps in making an error free move of your house.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Software Engineer & his wife..
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan ! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .
Wife - hae bhagwan ! forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
