Population

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.

Kuttappan stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Please bring your own cup

This is what happened when a certain Company put up the following memo:

OFFICE MEMO:

May all members of staff please note that

there will only be one drink per person

at this New Year Party. And please bring your own cup !

Regards, Management

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(scroll down)

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To get rid of mosquitoes ...

Doctor: If you want not to be bitten by mosquitoes, you have to apply this cream.

Kuttappan: Huh! how is it possible! How can I catch each mosquito and apply the cream.

Opens lunch box! Huh

Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....
WHY ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

The word that has 100 letters

Kuttappan: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Nettappan: Post office.

water tumbler

Doctor: To cure this disease you have to drink 10 tumblers of water daily.
Patient: Its not possible for me.
Doctor: Why
Patient: I have only five tumblers in my home.

Secret of long and happy marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of thetown. What a peaceful & loving couple".. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said,'that's once'." We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again.Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment of the horse, while I was shouting; she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'."And we lived happily ever after."

Mr.President

Letter to Bill Gates.. Ultimate Kalai

Kuttappan buys a computer and writes a letter to Bill Gates with his queries:

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Kuttappan from Periapatti. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Makku Payya and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start', but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend who clicked 'run ' has ran upto Chennai ! Still he could not click it. So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when you are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home with your money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Kuttappan.

“If you want something you never had, do something you have never done.”

Just for Laughs

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends ".

**********


What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress

**********

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"

**********

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.

**********

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.

**********

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints .

**********

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential

Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!

**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly ): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints... --


**********

Helmet rule

Helmet rule in Kerala states that the person sitting behind is not required to wear helmet.

Civil service-IAS Examination questions

Question and the Answer given by Candidates, oh sorry they are IAS (Indian Administrative Services - THE most difficult examination. Candidates are graduate Officers now.


Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)


Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 rd Rank Opted for IFS)


Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)


Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)


Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)


Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)


Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)


Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.


Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.


Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid (UPSC 33 R ank )


Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.


Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."


"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"


The boy was jolted in! to reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"


"How" the interviewer asked,


"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"


He was selected for IIM!

Heard somewhere

Very Interesting........yet true

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

Our eyes remain the same size from birth onward, but our noses and ears never stop growing.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV.

A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur about 10 days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows.

When the moon is directly overhead, you weigh slightly less.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never telephoned his wife or mother because they were both deaf.

A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

Colgate faced a big obstacle marketing toothpaste in Spanish speaking countries because Colgate translates into the command "go hang yourself."

The smallest unit of time is the yoctosecond.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

"Bookkeeper" is the only word in English language with three consecutive double letters.

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the english language.

If the population of China walked past you in single line, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

China has more English speakers than the United States .

Every human spent about half an hour as a single cell.

Each square inch of human skin consists of twenty feet of blood vessels.

An average person uses the bathroom 6 times per day.

Babies are born with 300 bones, but by adulthood we have only 206 in our bodies.

Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.

According to Genesis 1:20-22, the chicken came before the egg.

The longest place name still in use is: Taumatawhakatangihangaoauauotameteaturi- pukakpikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu - a New Zealand hill.

If you leave Tokyo by plane at 7:00am , you will arrive in Honolulu at approximately 4:30pm the previous day.

Scientists in Australia's Parkes Observatory thought they had positive proof of alien life, when they began picking up radio-waves from space. However, after investigation, the radio emissions were traced to a microwave in the building.

Strange-but-true The average four year-old child asks over four hundred questions a day.

The average person presses the snooze button on their alarm clock three times each morning.

The three wealthiest families in the world have more assets than the combined wealth of the fourty-eight poorest nations.

The first owner of the Marlboro cigarette Company died of lung cancer.

TEARS…

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,

'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have been released today!" L L

Managers can always find fault

A team of Managers was given an assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So the Managers go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape. They are falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess.

A subordinate of one of the managers comes along and sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers and walks away.

After the subordinate has gone, one manager turns to another and laughs.See this idiot. We're looking for height and he gives the length!"

Moral: "No matter what good you do, Managers can always find fault in you are".

An IT guy.....

An IT guy loved her
But married another
One became the wife
The other became the password