Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Cheer Up

You may review  current status w.r. to point number 5 to 8  

1 . If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry! Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2 . Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian . Think about it .

3 . Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the Admiration!

4 . Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude . Keep on rocking!

5 . Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6 . He was a good man .. He never smoked, drank had no affair . When he died,the insurance company refused the claim . They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7 . A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles . He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8 . So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow but sure!

9 . Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest has girlfriends!

10 . All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or Married to someone else!

11 . 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving .
This makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Honorable Husbands

Position of a Husband is just like a Split AC
No matter however Loud he is in the Outdoor
He is designed to remain Silent indoor...

"Husband is one who is the head of the family, but his wife is the neck, and whichever way she turns, he goes."

A man in Hell asked Devil:Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

Husband: Do you know the meaning of WIFE?
It means, Without Information, Fighting Everytime!
Wife: No darling, it means - With Idiot For Ever

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper,So I'd be in your hands all day.
Husband: I too wish that you were a newspaper,So I could have a new one every day.

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping Pills.
Wife: When must I give it to him?
Doctor: No, it is for you

Wife: What will you give me if I climb the great Mount Everest ?
Husband: A lovely Push...!

Friday, December 18, 2009

A Fairy tale

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again.

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

Moral: Men should remember that Fairies are female.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

One liners

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus !!!

"LETS BE FRIENDS", GUYZ use to begin the relationship but GALS Use to End :) "

"A Boy friend or Husband is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. "

" People say" Behind every successful man there is successful woman" but "Behind every Successful WOMAN there is a exhausted MAN"

"Behind every successful Man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful Man is usually another woman."

"Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are."

"Potential of Man, he can have as many gal friends as his wife thinks, but reality his wife won't let him"

"There is nothing called LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, rather they should re-phrase it as INFATUATION AT FIRST SIGHT"

"God Created Man, Man invented money. God created women and discovered to spend Man's money "

"Love is like Cricket during 80's it was like Test Match, in 90's it was like ODI but now it is like T20"

"Gal Friends are like mistakes you always do when you try some thing new but wife is like habit after several mistakes"

"Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest."

"An IDEA can change ur Life ... But, a Woman Can change your IDEA!"

"Man discovered trade, invented money. Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that. "

"A good discussion is like a miniskirt, Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject"

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."

"Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious."

"Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him. "

"In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested."

"Statistics are like bikinis.. what they reveal is suggestive, what they hide is essential! '-) "

"Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men? "

"Marriage is a battle between unstoppable force against an immovable object"

"A WIFE IS JUST AN OBSTACLE BETWEEN HUSBAND & GAL FRIEND ;-) "

"Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is."

Saturday, October 10, 2009

I am your Guardian Angel

A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, 'If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.'

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, 'Stop ! Stand still ! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die.'

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came creekking around the corner, barely missing him. The man asked. 'Who are you?'

'I am your Guardian Angel,' the voice answered.

'Oh, yeah?' the man said 'And where the hell were you when I got married?

Friday, October 09, 2009

Poor groom

Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.

The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced :

'Ladies and Gentlemen. Today is the luckiest day of my life ...' Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, 'My daughter finally, finally returned my Credit Card to me.'

The whole audience including the priest started laughing . . . . . But not the poor Groom ! ! !

Sunday, September 06, 2009

The Indian Mom

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees.

The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her.".....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wishing well

A long married couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled,

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

10 COMMANDMENTS OF MARRIAGE

Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say; talk in your sleep..

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Man, The Master of Women

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Happy Independence Day

If you are married please ignore this message,

for everyone else: Happy Independence Day

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Marriage

Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?

To tell each other affectionately. . " Sweetheart U R Dead! "

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Marriage

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking.

It's called marriage

Friday, August 07, 2009

Wedding anniversary

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Marriage

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Boxing aka Wedding

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

My Guardian Angel!

A man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If
you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill
you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man
was astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was about to cross the road. Once
again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step
a car will run you over, and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed. Just then a car came careening
around the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked, "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"

Friday, November 21, 2008

Terrorism V Marriage

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

-- Sam Kinison

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Marry not more than once

Why Government does NOT allow a Man to MARRY two Women.

Do you know why??

As per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same mistake.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Congrats for your mistake

Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer : On their MARRIAGE.