I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
-Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
-Dumas
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
-Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
-Henry Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
-Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." -James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
-Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
-Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
-Anonymous
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Tom : How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
David: You just send a telegram: RESULT DECLARED, PAST YEAR'S PERFORMANCE REPEATED.
Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
David: You just send a telegram: RESULT DECLARED, PAST YEAR'S PERFORMANCE REPEATED.
Teacher : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student : Brotherly love.
Teacher : Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Patient : What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor : One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have.
Yours is the tenth case I've treated.The others all died.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Sardarji is not sleeping with his wife! these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women.
A sardar was going on the road. Then he sees a man who has met with an accident. So he picks him up puts him in his car and takes him to the hospital. Then the sardar realizes that the man should have brought by ambulance. So he takes him back where he picked him sardar was driving a car. Suddenly one tyre was puncture. He took spare tyre and changed in the place of punctured tyre. But unfortunately he misplaced the four screws to fit the tyre on its place .
He was so confused ,,now what to do,, a pagal(mentally retarded) person was watching this incident.
He came near to sardar and said," do one thing,, take each one screw from the remaining three tyre and fit it in this new tyre. There after u can go where ever u want to. Sardar was so happy and said aree yaar Duniya tume pagal kahate hai lakin
I dont think u are a pagal.
pagal replied
sir,,
I m a pagal but i m not a sardar.
Teacher
TEACHER: Why are you late?
L-JOHNY: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
L-JOHNY: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
L-JOHNY: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
L-JOHNY: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: Johny, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
L-JOHNY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, Johny, who discovered America ?
JOHNY: George!
TEACHER: Johny, why do you always get so dirty?
Little JOHNY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
L-JOHNY: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
L-JOHNY: Your name on this report card.
Little Johnny
L-Johnny : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt ?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
L-Johnny : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
L-Johnny: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at home.
Teacher: Johny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
L-Johnny: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Sardar's Blunders
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus. He was carrying the passport size photograph of his son (for college admission). Accidentally, the photo fell down from his pocket. He started searching for it frantically & found it on the floor, below the ends of a woman's saree.
He asked her "Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work. He finished late and missed the last bus. He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.
The owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters.
Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether
he can stay there for the night. The owner replied, "I have 3 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up" Daughters?".
The owner asked, "WHY?????????"
Banta replied," I wanted to stay here for a night....."
The rest is history.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
You & Boss
A nice mail i got days back on boss & subordinate.
Just have a read and enjoy..
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
Just have a read and enjoy..
When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough
When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,
When I do something without being told,
I am trying to
be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake,
you're an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only human.
When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an
interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's
overworked
When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets
Malayalam paranjouooo
Laughter Via Kerala....;-)....i might just get killed there r so many mallu friends on the list....
1) Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala...!!!
2) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
3) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
4) Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
5) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
6) Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome ?
Because he wanted to hear pope music.
7) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
8) Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
9) Who found out that?
His aandy.
10) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
11) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor and aectress?
Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
at least you should send this to:
10 Malayalis & you will receive cecenut oil
20 Malayalis and you will receive benena chips
40 Malayalis you will receive appams
100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cecenut oil and benena chips free.
1) Name the wonly part of the werld, where Malayalis don't werk hard?
Kerala...!!!
2) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
3) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in the Gelff.
4) Why do Malayali's go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
5) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
6) Why did the Malayali go to the concert in Rome ?
Because he wanted to hear pope music.
7) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
8) Why did his wife divorce him?
Because he was louwing another woman.
9) Who found out that?
His aandy.
10) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
11) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?
An Oto.
Who is Malayali's fyamousu eactor and aectress?
Geedha, Revadhi, Zilgsmidha end Ambiga.
at least you should send this to:
10 Malayalis & you will receive cecenut oil
20 Malayalis and you will receive benena chips
40 Malayalis you will receive appams
100 Malayalis and you will get free land near the rice field behind the lungi factory with additional incentive of a whole month's supply of cecenut oil and benena chips free.
Sardarjeee
Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
---
A sardar saw a beautiful girl.
he went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....
---
Santa was driving car zigzag on the road.
Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
---
Once a school teacher told kids to write an essay on cricket match.
Everybody was busy writing except santa, he wrote "Match cancelled due to rain".
---
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.
---
A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped the man and said: He is not Banta.
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office
---
A sardar saw a beautiful girl.
he went and kissed her.
GIRL: "stupid,what are you doin...?"
Sardar: " B.Com Final Year....
---
Santa was driving car zigzag on the road.
Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car.
Inspector: without instructor?
Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
---
Once a school teacher told kids to write an essay on cricket match.
Everybody was busy writing except santa, he wrote "Match cancelled due to rain".
---
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa does not turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I am coming daily from 4 days, I press the bell, but no one comes out.
---
A man told santa: Banta is kissing your wife.
Santa hurriedly rushed to home, within half hour came back angrily and slapped the man and said: He is not Banta.
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to
move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged
one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your
nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't
work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
A nice reply
It was a hot meeting at the office conference hall. All the people from the department had been called. The VP was looking much tensed.
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.
To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"
The mood was so bad. My friend asked me -"Hey, what is this meeting all about? I told - May be they will decide on when to have the next meeting. People around smiled at each other. Then the VP started talking. It was about the recent attrition rate that was so high. Around 10 people had put in their papers. All experienced guys. It was quarter end and so work was huge. If we do not complete the work on time, we need to be paying heavy penalty said the VP. The VP turned to the manager and told "Hey - take how much ever resources you want. Recruit or take them from other departments. But complete the work in another 25 days. Take people and complete it man.
To this the sweet manager replied "Sir! Give me one wife and nine months and I shall show you results. Don't give me nine wives and one month. I cannot do anything." Everyone looked at him blank. The VP was not prepared for this answer. We looked at the manager and thought "What an Awesome Reply man!"
Sunday, December 17, 2006
just some fun !!
> Should women have children after 35?
> No, 35 children are more than enough!
> ----------------
> Your future depends on your dreams
> So go to sleep !
> ------------------
> Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in
> front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
> -----------------
> A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
> began, you've been brought here for drinking..
> Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get
> started?
> -----------------
> Can you do anything that other people can't?
> Sure, I can read my handwriting..
> -----------------
> Divorce has become so common that my wife and I
> are staying married just to be different..
> -----------------
> When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
> She answers: My husband's cheque book..
> ----------------
> Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
> Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
> ----------------
> Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
> Customer: What other colors do you have?
> ----------------
> My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
> ----------------
> Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
> prayers before eating?
> Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
> --------------------
> Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
> Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
> --------------------
> Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> --------------------
> Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
> Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
> --------------------
> Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
> Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do
> you?
> ---------------------
> Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
> Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
> -------------------
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
> Son: That's why I say she's no good!
> No, 35 children are more than enough!
> ----------------
> Your future depends on your dreams
> So go to sleep !
> ------------------
> Do you know of a Sardar who parked his car in
> front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING
> -----------------
> A drunk was hauled into court. Mister, the judge
> began, you've been brought here for drinking..
> Great, the drunk exclaimed. When do we get
> started?
> -----------------
> Can you do anything that other people can't?
> Sure, I can read my handwriting..
> -----------------
> Divorce has become so common that my wife and I
> are staying married just to be different..
> -----------------
> When a wife was asked: What book do you like the best?
> She answers: My husband's cheque book..
> ----------------
> Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?
> Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.
> ----------------
> Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
> Customer: What other colors do you have?
> ----------------
> My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
> ----------------
> Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say
> prayers before eating?
> Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
> --------------------
> Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
> Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
> --------------------
> Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
> Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
> --------------------
> Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!
> Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.
> --------------------
> Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!
> Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do
> you?
> ---------------------
> Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!
> Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.
> -------------------
> Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
> Son: That's why I say she's no good!
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