Friday, August 31, 2007

Technically Correct

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."


The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"They gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer, so its Microsoft Building"

Thursday, August 30, 2007

LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.

It's funny when people discuss LOVE MARRIAGE vs ARRANGED.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

Wrong way

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,

"Kuttappan, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sardar Kill a Lion

How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

Marriage Certificate

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?

Husband : Nothing.

Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??

Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Have a break

Dear readers / patrons,

Having read jokes in this blog, why not we have a break today.
Yea, a nice wallpaper with a good message in it.
Enjoy.


Regds,

Srini

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Bruce Lee

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite holiday spot?
Manalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite food?
Idlee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite animal?
Elee.

Who is Bruce Lee’s favorite girl?
Maalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite reptile?
Balee.

What is Bruce Lee’s chain?
Thalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite god?
Kalee.

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite sweet?
Jangree.

Friday, August 24, 2007

God Grants One Wish...

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.
All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have had the faith to ask, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy?
Now God thought about it for a long time.
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Life's missed opportunities, at the end, may seem more poignant to us than those we embraced--because in our imagination they have a perfection that reality can never rival.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

How does an electric motor run?

In an interview,

Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?

Santa: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....


Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.


Santa: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Monday, August 20, 2007

Worldwide survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.


The only question asked was:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions

to the shortage of food in rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure..... ... Do you know WHY?

* In Africa they didn't know what 'FOOD' meant.

* In India they didn't know what 'HONEST' meant.

* In Europe they didn't know what 'SHORTAGE' meant.

* In China they didn't know what 'OPINION' meant.

* In the Middle East they didn't know what 'SOLUTION' meant.

* In South America they didn't know what 'PLEASE' meant.

* And in the USA they didn't know what 'THE REST OF THE WORLD' meant.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

New lady teacher

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with name and hobby.

She said, "Let's start with the boys first."


The boys started giving their intro...

First boy: "My name is John, and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher was confused to listen but said, "Interesting. Well, Ok. In fact, we must be honest in telling the hobby. And after all there is essentially a child in each of us. So it's ok John. Yes next."

Second boy: "Myself Peter and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher now got surprised and said, "Good. I like the spirit of supporting a friend. Ok next."

Third boy: "I'm Smith and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Teacher: "Guys are you sincere. Ok next."

This continues...
and the last boy stands up "I'm Harry and my hobby is to see bubble in the bathtub."

Exhausted, the teacher said, "I don't think I will be able to teach un-grown boys for long. Anyway, now the girls please."

First girl: "I'm Julie and my hobby is to see birds."

Teacher: "Good. At last I got something different. Ok next."

Second girl: "I'm Ruby and I like to collect perfumes."

Teacher "Now it's like educated grown up girls. Ok next. You sweet girl; Yes you..."

Most beautiful girl of the class:

"Mam, my name is Bubble, and my hobby is to take bath three times a day."

Naughty boys


Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Independence Day

Dear readers of this blog, my nation's 60th Independence Day has come (15 Aug 2007). As a proud Indian I salute to my nation's Tri colour .

JAI HIND


This is our country INDIA's 60th Independence Day!
Freedom is not a Right but a Feeling!

Let's be proud to feel the Freedom!
Let all of us get to-gether & Let's Celebrate Our Freedom!
It is our duty to preserve this Freedom! Carry this forward to the future!
We did,We do,We will do!!!
Set the celebration on Air, Share your Joy, You're Free to do it,

Vande Mataram!

Click for more photos related to our nation builders

Monday, August 13, 2007

Boss Is Boss

Car Bomb

Once two sardars got involved in terrorising their city. After deep thinking on how to execute the plan, they decided to explode a car bomb. While fixing the bomb here goes the conversation.

Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.

Sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Challenge Vs problem

Teacher to student : Whats the difference between CHALLENGE & PROBLEM ?

Student: 3 men & 1 woman in bed is a PROBLEM
3 women & 1 man in bed is a CHALLENGE

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Math genius




Truthful woodcutter

"One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked,

"Why are you crying my child ?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying my child?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.

You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife.

Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three.

Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so
THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE ."

Friday, August 10, 2007

On-site deputation

IF LION goes on-site.............

In a poor zoo of India , a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day. The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a centralised air-conditioned environment, a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also. On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas. Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India .

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him, 'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management?, what nonsense is this?, why are you delivering bananas to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but .. did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

Moral of Story: Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Do not buy this book.

If you know some one staying in Pune let them know this. If you are in Pune, do go through this story COZ, its a real one. Read this true story...
and

let everybody you know in and around Pune especially University Road
.........

My friend lives in Deccan... One day he went to University Road to visit his uncle for some days as his parents had to attend a wedding in Lonavla. One evening he and some other of my college friends went to Adlabs for a movie. He had so much fun that he forgot that it's very late. He caught the last PMT to University Road..... he reached University Road around midnight...... He had to walk about a mile from the bus stop to home.... As he was walking alone, he could sense that the night felt very creepy as it was so dark. While walking, he was astonished to see an
old weird-looking guy selling some books. It was a very unusual thing to see a thing like that.....

It got the shivers ! on him when he noticed that his old guy was unusually pale and staring at him...
The old guy said "Son why don't you buy a book...it would keep you company".

Then my friend did something which he would regret for the rest of his life. My friend started to act brave & thought why not & had a look at his collections...
My friend's hair started to stand on end as he noticed that all the books were related to supernatural activities... but he found one that was very interesting.

So he asked the old man "how much is it, uncle?"

The old guy replied, "Well son...this is an interesting book...it's only for Rs 250.

My friend was shocked and said "but...but... it's expensive"

This time the old man stared which freaked my friend. My friend did not want to cross this scary old man, so he quickly checked all his pockets & found Rs.200 & said

"This is all I have." The old guy replied "It's OK son... you can have the book for that price"

As my friend was just about to run for home...the old man called back & said
"Son ... whatever happens, don't ever flip the book to it's last page...
remember these words or you will regret...!!!!!"

My friend nodded and never looked back ... Reaching home...he quickly asked his Uncle whether there was any new old book seller nearby?

The Uncle replied " I haven't seen him but ....we've heard that there's one old man who comes once in a while during full moon nights but heard that there is something creepy about it...why son?"

My friend freaked out... he told his uncle "nothing uncle... just asking".

He started reading the book with the old man's parting words on his mind...
At night, 2 o'clock, as he went to bed, a gush of wind blew which chilled him up to his bones. At that point, he noticed the wind had blown the pages to its last page. He remembered what the old man has said!

But we humans tend to have the tendency to know. Out of curiosity, he flipped to the last page & fainted... What he saw at the last page is stated below:

Don't look further down if you have a weak heart

I warn you

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Once again I warn you not to scroll further

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...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

...

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...

...

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So, really you want to ....

...

...

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...

.....

Original price:-- Rs. 20/-
Promotion price:-- Rs. 10/-
**********************************

Friday, August 03, 2007

Cat too listens to music.

Cat listening To Lata Mangeshkar..



Cat listening to Himesh Reshmia




Cat listening to BABA Ram Dev



Cat listening to Anup Jalota



Cat listening to Kumar Sanu



Cat listening to you

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Please make New York as capital of India

Kuttappan’s son: Oh God, Please make New York as capital of India .

Kuttappan: Hey, Why are you praying so?

Son: Because I have written so in my exams.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

You can still change others lives by being last

Once a bus carrying only ugly people was involved in a crash, and everyone on the bus died.They all went to Heaven and because of the grief they suffered God, decided to grant them all one wish each.

They all lined up, and God asked the first one what his wish was. One person answered, "I want to be beautiful," and so God snapped his fingers, and it was done. The second one in line saw that and said "I want to be beautiful too.“ Another snap of God’s fingers and the wish was granted.

This went on for a while and when God was halfway down the line, the last person in line started laughing. When there are only ten people left, this man was rolling on the floor and laughing …

Finally, God got to the end of the line and asked the laughing man what his wish was.
The man said, "Make them all ugly again !!!!"

Moral - Don't get disheartened for being last, as you can still change others lives by being last