Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Who is clever? Teacher or student ?

One Night 4 College Students Were Playing Till Late Night and Didn't
Study For The Test Which Was Scheduled For The Next Day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and
said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return
the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way
back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked
him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in
separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.

Q.1. Your Name.........................( 2 MARKS )
Q.2. Which tyre burst ?...............( 98 MARKS )

a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right.....!!!

True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992-96

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Think positive +

Father : "I want you to marry a girl of my choice"
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father : "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next - Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates : "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates : "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President : "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Moral: Even If you have nothing, You can get Anything.
Think +++++++ve

HRD notice board

Dear STAFF ,
Please be advised that these are NEW rules and regulations implemented to raise the efficiency of our firm.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
TRANSPORTATION:
It is advised that you come to work driving a car according to your salary.
a) If we see you driving a Honda, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
b) If you drive a 10 year old car or taking public transportation, we assume you must have lots of savings therefore you do not need a raise.
c) If you drive a Pickup, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
ANNUAL LEAVE :
Each employee will receive 52 Annual Leave days a year (Wow! said 1 employee).
- They are called SUNDAYs.
LUNCH BREAK:
a) Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
b) Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
c) Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill.
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor Medical Cert as proof of sickness.
- If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
TOILET USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets.
a) There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the cubicles.
b) At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the door will open and a picture will be taken.
c) After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
d) Subsequent pictures will be sold at public auctions to raise money to pay your salary.
SURGERY :
As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs.
- You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact.
- To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
INTERNET USAGE:
All personal Internet usage will be recorded and charges will be deducted from your bonus (if any) and if we decide not to give you any, charges
will be deducted from your salary.
- Important Note: Charges applicable as Rs.20 per minute as we have 4MB connection.
Just for information, 73% of staff willnot be entitled to any salary for next 3 months as their Internet charges have exceeded their 3 months salary.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
Best regards,
HRD

Wherever you go ** follows

Hi.......... ....... Trust the fact???????? ??
This is a real story of a young college girl who passed away last month
In Chandigarh . Her name was Priya. She was hit by a truck.
She is working in a call centre. She has a boy friend named Shankar.
Both of them are true lovers. They always hang on the phone.You can
Never see her without her handphone. In fact she also changed her phone
From Airtel to Hutch, so both of them can be on the same network, and save on the cost.
She spends half of the day talking with Shankar. Priya's family knows about their relationship. Shankar is very close with Priya's family. (just imagine their love) . Before she passed away shealways told her friends "If I pass away please burn me with my handphone" she also said the same thing to her parents.
After her death, people cudnt carry her body, I was there. A lot of
Them tried to do so but still cant , everybody including me, had tried to carry the body, the result is still the same. Eventually, they called a person who know to one of their neighbours, who can speak with the soul of dead person, who is a friend of her father.
He took a stick and started speaking to himself slowly.
After a few minutes, he said "this girl misses something here." Then her
Friends told that person about her intentions to burn her with her phone.
He then opened the grave box and place her phone and Sim card inside the
Casket. After that they tried to carry the body. It could be moved and
They carried it into the van easily.
All of us were shocked. Priya's parents did not inform Shankar that
Priya had passed away.
After 2 weeks Shankar called Priya's mom.....
Shankar :...."Aunty, I'm coming home today. Cook something nice for me.
Don't tell Priya that I'm coming home today, I wanna surprise her."
Her mother replied..... "You come home first, I wanna tell you
Something very important."
After he came, they told him the truth about Priya. Shankar thinks
That they were playing a fool. He was laughing and said "don't try to
Fool me - tell Priya to come out, I have a gift for her. Please stop
This nonsense".
Then they show him the original death certificate to him.
They gave him proof to make him believe. (Shankar started to sweat) He
Said... "Its not true. We spoke yesterday. She still calls me.
Shankar was shaking.
Suddenly, Shankar's phone rang. "see this is from Priya, see this...."
He showed the phone to priya's family. All of them told him to
Answer. He talked using the loudspeaker mode.
All of them heard his conversation.
Loud and clear, no cross lines, no humming.
It is the actual voice of Priya & there is no way others could use her
Sim card since it is nailed.
Inside the grave box they were so shocked and asked for the same person's
(who can speak with the soul of deal perosns) help again. He brought his
Master to solve this matter.
He & his master
Worked for 5 hours.
Then they discovered one thing which really shocked them...
Hutch has the best coverage.
Where ever you go, our network follows!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Somebody needs you

About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street. He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old.
He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!!! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown. Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"
"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!" Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car. "It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."
Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK. He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar. He kept the dent to remind him, not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. . .

Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.

How communication existed in ancient times?

After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: 'US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000
years earlier than the Russians.

'One week later, the Indian newspapers reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 500 metres, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing.

They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Exciting treat to the patrons of this blog

Hi friends / patrons !

From today onwards this blog will present you with a new feature called "Nautanki TV feed"
Actually you could see the video clip at the bottom of the web page which is provided by nautanki.tv a web based television.

A high speed internet connection (broadband) is essential for you people to enjoy .
Folks this is a Ad supported feature brought for you to enjoy!

Just enjoy & Do chip in with bouquets or brickbats, whichever you feel like.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Buy me a surprise for my birthday

See what happens if Requirement is not captured properly:


T
he wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:

Knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband...
'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!' she said.
'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

Happy and excited she was counting down the days to her birthday.

And on the day she finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....





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WEIGHING MACHINE

The poor guy is dead today, and his wife's in jail for murder !

True love story

There was a mosquito and a dog who loved each other a lot...........

One day the mosquito got excited and gave a love bite to the dog........

The dog became emotional and bit the mosquito.......

The next day......................

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Mosquito died of rabies and dog died of malaria....................

What a touching story.............................:

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Confidence

Hypothetical situation where 20 executives board an airplane and are told that the flight that they are about to take is the first-ever to feature pilotless technology: It is an uncrewed aircraft. Each one of the CEOs is then told, privately, that their company's software is running the aircraft's automatic pilot system. Nineteen of the CEOs promptly leave the aircraft, each offering a different type of excuse. One CEO alone remains on board the jet, seeming very calm indeed. Asked why he is so confident in this first un-crewed flight, he replies: "If it's the same software that runs my company's IT systems, this plane won't even take off." This is called Confidence!!

Sunday, June 03, 2007

Quite Funny...Fall of bush

This is fun. Click on the link below. Give him a slight push with ur mouse in case he gets stuck. Also pick him up with ur mouse and move him in any way u want... Enjoy.

Link