Sunday, October 29, 2006

Daughter in law

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter in law
arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters in law are well trained and well mannered!!!!!. They
don't come to change the family, they are there to............ read
the following:

The new wife (progressive Indian woman of today) was being welcomed
at the husband's home in a traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech:
" My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and
family", she said "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would
want to change your way of life, your routine."
"No, I will never do that, never in a million years".
"What do you mean my child?" Asked the father in law.
"What I mean, dad, is (looking at her father in law):
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn't stop at my account, and Those who used to
Clean should continue cleaning".
"Then what are you here for?" Asked the mother in law.

"As for me, I'm here just to entertain your son!"
Most cricketers, who are not comfortable in conversing in English, go prepared for some standard questions that are asked from them when commentators chat with them during the awards ceremony.

Inzamam was once asked a different question after Pakistan won the match, for which he was not prepared. He always had a standard response to the first question. But this time.....

Tony Greig: So Inzi, that's fantastic, your wife is pregnant for the second time!

Inzamam: Bismillah-e-Rehman-e-Rahim! All credit goes to the boys. Everyone work hard for it,especially Afridi. It was tight situation when he went in. Without his strokes it not have been possible. He was pulling the good balls. Also BobWoolmer keeping close watch on progress and giving instructions. It's all team effort which pulled us out of big hole. Insha Allah, we all will work together as team, put in b! ig effort and deliver good result all the time.

Tony: #$@()#@!|_-?????!!!!!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

SARDAR is BACK

Sardar: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Friend: Y?
Sardar: Got upper berth.
Friend: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Sardar: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower Berth..


2

Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at night, nobody
Will b there.............
Girl goes at night & really nobody was there


3

A SARDAR went 2 a BANK to open a S.B. A/C.
After seeing the Form He had gone to DELHI
for
Filling up. U knows y?
FORM said " FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

4

A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was? . . . . .
He opened a Saloon in Punjab !.


5

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India
after
Every 10 sec a women gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

6

Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r
others running?

7

Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them
TIRED&RETIRED!

8

19 SARDARS WENT 4A FILM.ON ASKING THEM Y THEY CAME
IN A BIG GROUP OF 19? THEY REPLIED THAT THE FILM WAS
ONLY FOR ABOVE 18...

9

A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

10

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".


11

Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why
he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."


12

Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth................. WHY?
because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should be light"_-=

13

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!


14

SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY.
HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
- I SARDAR, SHE SARDARNEE,
THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY KIDNEY....

15

One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.
U knw Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...

16

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

17

Santa! Your daughter has died!
Depressed, Sardar jumps from 100th floor
At 50th floor he remembers I don't have a daughter!
At 25flr:I'm unmarried!
At 10flr:I'm Banta not santa

18

ON A ROMANTIC DATE SARDARS GIRL FRIEND ASKS
HIM,DARLING ON OUR ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?
HE SAID YA SURE WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER


19

Sardar found the answer to the most difficult
question ever - What will come first, Chicken or
egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.

20

A dog was chasing a Sardar and the Sardar was
laughing.
A bystander: why are u laughing?
Sardar: I have a Air cell phone but still hutch
network is following me.

21

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.
Dealer gave 11 cr after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs
back.!


22

A teacher told all students in a class to write an
essay on a cricket match.
All were busy writing except one Sardarji.He wrote
"DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"

23

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This
Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u
could have posted it....

24

What does a sardar do after taking a xerox?
He will compare it with the original for any
spelling mistakes.


25

Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder
to you'...........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye,I'll marry you
NEXT YEAR.


26

WHY CANT SARDARS DIAL NINE-ELEVEN (911) AT
EMERGENCY?
** THEY CAN NOT FIND THE ELEVEN ON THE PHONE.


27

Sardar & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Sardar says... Drink quickly......
Wife asks why...
sardar says hot coffee Rs5 and cold coffee Rs10


28

A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divide, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll
apply NEXT YEAR


29

Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa
who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like
all d passengers in d car he was driving..




30

Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!


32

Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't
read very fast.


33

Sardar news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard
in Punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500
bodies and are still digging for more..

34

A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes
walking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji
replied "Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM".


35

Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital. Man
says CHIN YU YAN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last
words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON OXYGEN TUBE!"

3
6
Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with
his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing ?
He said-im seeing how i look while sleeping.



Thankx Vishnu

Bush Jokes

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:
"I'm sorry to hear about the attack. It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything."
=====================


Musharraf calls Bush on 11th Sept:
Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great buildings, I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that....
Bush : What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush : It's eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops...Will call back in an hour!


=====================
Vajpai and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman,
"Isn't that Bush and Vajpayee?" The barman says "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?"
Bush says, "We're planning world war 3"

The guy says, "Really?
What's going to happen?" And Vajpayee says, "Well, we're going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman." And the guy exclaimed

"A bicycle repairman?!!!" Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, "See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!"
=====================

Pakistani on the moon:
Q : What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A : Problem...
Q : What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A : Problem...
Q :What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A : ...... Problem Solved!!!!!

Thankx Vishnu
Interesting.
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things attorneys actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters ,who had to suffer from the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually takingplace.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check fora pulse?WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive andpractising law.

Thankx Ethiraj

Appraisal time

Thankx Ganesh

Indian movie - Good one.................


Thankx Vishnu