Tuesday, September 26, 2006

AIR XCAAN RULES!!!!!!!

XCAAN
WELCOME TO AIR XCAAN ( hope you know this airline)

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen... .

This is your captain PATEL welcoming both seated and
standing passengers
on
board of Air XCAAN.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off,it
was due to bad
weather
and partly due to the search for a missing
tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not
guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in India .
And, if luck is in
our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Air XCAAN has an excellent safety-record. In fact,
our safety standards are so high, that even
terrorists are afraid to
fly with us! It is with

pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over
30% of our Passengers have reached their
destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger
request, we can arrange to turn them off. To make
your free fall to
earth pleasant and memorable, we serve Complimentary
Daru and Vada
Pav. For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the
only
airline who can help you find out if there really is
a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight
movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it
from the television.
However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying
right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their movie
will be visible from the right side of the cabin
window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any
smoke you see in the Cabin is only the early warning
system on the
engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly
as close as possible. For the best view , if
however, we go a
little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic
co-pilot sometimes
flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright
position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For
those of you who
can't
find a seat-belt,

kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat.
And, for those of
you
who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in
touch with a stewardess
who
will explain how to fasten yourself to your
suitcase.

THANKX PRASATH

True software engineer

Sunday, September 24, 2006

4 liquid Stages in life



Thankx Prasath

Coincidence?

Buy one for your wife, it's assured she won't be robbed

Thanks Prasath

but interesting.. !








Thankx Prasath

A good family !!

Maria was a beautiful Latina who fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry him. She was so happy about her wedding plans; she decided to tell her papa.
Papa told "Maria, you'll have to find another. Your Mother does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother". So Maria forgot about her Jose, & soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still". "You can not marry Ricardo, Maria. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo & Jose are both your half-brothers".
Maria had no choice but to go to her mama, but she already knew & Said "Maria, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you are not related to Papa."


Thanks Prasath

some truths of the Life....

"U love someone, U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved becomes the password of ur mail id"

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There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.

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If someone says u r ugly, its ok, if someone says u r stupid, its ok, If someone says u r genius slap him as tight as you can n say there is a limit of kidding n u r now crossing the limit.

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Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.......
To be as rich as his child believes.......
To have as many women as his wife suspects...!!!!!!
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Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

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What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

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The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!

Thanks Prasath

Think Before U UpGrade Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.


Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"



REPLY:


Dear Troubled User:


This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend
Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0


STATUTORY WARNING
: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Thanks Prasath

If Boss Says...

If your boss comes to you and says :

-- There will be NO salary increase for this year...

-- There will be NO bonuses either...

-- ALL overtime as been cancelled...

-- NO expenses will be paid...

-- There will be NO additional Health care !!! What will your reaction be ???
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The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understands you; It is when you don't understand yourself "

Thanks Prasath

Why do men die younger (Good One)

Here are some pictures which answer the above question.








Thankx Prasath

Answers, some students have written in their exams...

* A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

* The tides are a fight between the Earth and Moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

* When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.


* Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.


* Clouds are high flying fogs.


* I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.


* Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.


* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.


* Thunder is a rich source of loudness.


* "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and
water."

* "H20 is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."


* "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."


* "Dew is
formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

* "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e,i, o and u."


* "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of
Indiana ."

* "Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa .."


* "Germinate: To become a naturalized German."


* "To keep milk from turning sour: keep it in the cow."


Thanks Prasath

India is heaven

A man from the West, decided to write a book about holy places around the World. He started by flying to various holy places.
Going to a very large place in USA, he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "1000 $ a minute."
Seeking out the religious Guru he asked about the phone. TheGuru answered that this golden phone was, in-fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he paid the price he could talk directly to God.
The man thanked the guru and continued on his way.

As he continued to visit the holy places in Egypt, Israel, Iran, USA, Europe, Nepal, Japan, Australia and all around the world, he found more phones, with the same sign and price, and got the same answer from each Guru.

Finally, he arrived in India. Upon entering a temple, behold, He saw the usual golden Telephone. But TH!IS time, the sign read "Calls: 1.26 Rupees/Minute."

Fascinated, he asked the Guru. "Guru Ji, I have been in Places all across the World, and in each Place I have found this golden telephone and have been told it was a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other temples the cost was 1000 $ a minute. Your sign reads 1.26 Rupees/Minute.

Why?

" The Guru, smiling, replied, "Son, you're in India now. This is God's Own country... and it's a local call." Welcome to India ! India is heaven !!

Thanks Prasath

SOME JOKES

1. Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and

Panic is when both are regnant.

2. Plan For Future:
Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?
Ram: I want 2 b a pilot.
Vinod: I want 2 b a doctor.
Deepika: I want 2 b a good mother.
Ravi : I want 2 help Deepika.

3. Exams: Exams are like GIRL FRIENDS;
1. Too Many Questions.
2. Difficult to understand.
3. More Explanation is needed.
4. Result is always FAIL!

4. Delivered: Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife.
Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing.
The report said, "DELIVERED".

5. Chinese Adam & Eve: If Adam and Eve were Chinese.
We would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

7. The Equation:
7 Glance = 1 Smile
7 Smile = 1 Meeting
7 Meeting = 1 Kiss
7 Kisses = 1 Proposal
7 Proposal = 1 Marriage -
And that 1 bloody marriage has 7777777777777 Problems.
So beware of glance!

Thanks Prasath

Monday, September 11, 2006

Nice Ads....






Pretty Signboards !








Thanks
Ganesh

Gujarathi funeral...--- nice one

A Patel family in gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it When they opened the lid , they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you,since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT . Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you. On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes(size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan. Just distribute the rest among yourselves. The 2 new Jeans that Ba's is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist. Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

Love Smita

PS : And if anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well nowadays...

ThanksGanesh

What would happen, if earth starts rotating 30 times faster ????

What would happen, if earth starts rotating 30 times faster than it normally does?

Guess?

Guess again ?


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We would get salary everyday .

Thanks Ganesh

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts

A Professor at one of the IIM's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
- That's Direct Marketing

2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him."
- That's Advertising

3 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
- That's Telemarketing

4 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie,you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
- That's Public Relations

5 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?"
- That's B rand Recognition

6 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say:I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
- That's Customer Feedback

7 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.
-That's demand and supply gap

8 You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him
- That's competition eating into your market share

9 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives.
- That's restriction for entering new markets

Thanks Ganesh

Love @ 1st sight

Can you explain what is mean by "Love @ First Sight”?














Yes, I know it's very tough to define. Without definition you can understand.









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Thanks
Ganesh

Labor Pain....

A married couple went to have their baby delivered.Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.However as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husbandcontinued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transferALL the pain to him.The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got in the car to go home.........


they found the driver dead in the car!!!!!


Thanks
Ganesh